Memory

(“Remember all the wonders he performed, the miracles and judgments that came out of his mouth.” 1 Chronicle 16:12 [The Message])

I admit it, I’m a melancholy. I am also a melancholy who wishes he wasn’t. I tend to have lower and sadder emotions than most people I know. I have puzzled my entire life about the nature of the blues I seem so prone to know.

One thing this melancholy affects is memory. We all sift our memories through some sort of filter or another. My constant struggle with depression affects not only my present mood, but also my view of the past. I remember hurts much more readily than, say, my wife does.

We have both gone through the same life-experiences for the past 34 years. Yet she has joyful, almost carefree remembrances of many moments. I, on the other hand, can recall the pain from 33 years ago (or, pick a year) just as readily as she smiles at her memories.

Not only that, my melancholy colors even the good memories. I recall a special time with a Bible study group from when I was first saved, but the memory turns into a sad moment: “It will never be like that again.” Or, I recall moments with my children when they were young, playing and laughing. But within minutes of the memory I am regretting the fact I didn’t spend more time with them. I feel like writing them a letter telling them how I wish I had been a better father.

And so it goes for this melancholy’s memory.

That is why the command of God to “remember all the wonders He performed” is so important to someone like me. All of us, no matter our natural inclinations, have the ability to aim our memory in a certain direction. Some may have better aim than others, finding the target of “God’s wonders” more easily than others, but I have found even this melancholy soul can eventually see God’s “miracles and judgments” in my memory banks as well.

When I am overcome with regret, all I have to do is look back and see that God has blessed my children abundantly, in spite of the lost time I think I squandered. When I think that life will never be like it was “back then”, I still am reminded that it was God who met us in those special moments. Remembering that, I know He still meets me in the present as well.

Memories, they can make us smile, laugh, lament or even catch us embarrassed from time to time. But, remembering God’s wonders, His personal miracles along the way, in spite of our faulty attempts to follow, always remind us of His power and His grace. He meets us, abundantly, just at the right time with particular provisions. And, He meets us when we are far from our best.

Today I think I’ll remember a few of God’s wonders, and let those memories simply take me where they will.