After the Kneading

After the Kneading

(“However, for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first, Jesus Christ might display all his patience…” 1 Timothy 1:16a)

How long does it take for darkness to unfurl,
for the taste of violent cuisine to roll off our tongues
into loaves from the earth baked in the noonday sun?

We used to let the elders take the front of the line
in our potlucks and banquets,
with unaccompanied minors right behind.
In that thin place between age and innocence we
hoped
prophetic purity might arise.

Time (that place unmeasured except by planetary motion)
outpaces our lusts and unmade faces until
we are dissatisfied again by the meager fare
of private meals where with little love and less challenge
we eat by ourselves.

But bread is meant to be prepared with muscled hours,
rising after the kneading like a carnival balloon.
Bread is meant to be shared with all who detected
the aroma of the afternoon, arriving to a circle of
friends for a repast near evening.

Some bring guitars, some bring songs,
some read poetry, some play along,
some limp in slowly, others tumble like clowns,
some take off their shoes, some make the rounds
and hug every neck, high and low, telling
the same jokes they’ve told one hundred times before.
Still everyone laughs; maybe everyone snickers.

We’ve been around the block a few times,
some have even met each other in the ring;
some have had words with each other more times
than you would believe,
but that is why they share the bread which redefines
argument and apologetic from winning and sinning
to singing and ringing the dinner bell with the
screen door wide open and the wine already poured.

There is a banquet, there is a picnic,
and if you get confused, just watch the dragonflies play
and hear the echoes of the frogs in the damp grass

And sit with us a spell, sing with us a prayer (even
with your mouth full). Stuffed and sleepy we’ll end
the day, but will wait for the very last vagabond
who always arrives much too late.

Troubles Test our Faith

“My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.” James 1:2-3

I meet with a handful of teens each week at “Pop with Pastor”. We gather at a local restaurant, I pay for drinks, and we simply chat. It isn’t a Bible study or prayer group, simply an expression of my love for the students, and an opportunity to make myself available to them. Each week on Wednesday six to a dozen of us get together for about an hour.

Hungry?

Hungry?

“’What sign then are You going to do so we may see and believe You?’ they asked. ‘What are You going to perform?’” John 6:30

If there was ever a time for Jesus to become frustrated in His earthly ministry, this was it! Consider this: between chapters two and six of the gospel of John, Jesus has performed five miraculous signs. He had turned water into wine, healed the son of a royal official, healed a man who had been lame for 38 years, fed 5,000 people with only five barley loaves and two fish, and had walked on the water, stilling the storm and calming the disciples, three miles from land.

Knocking Down Hurdles

“You must be willing to wait without giving up. After you have done what God wants you to do, God will give you what He promised you.” Hebrews 10:36

I had one significant misunderstanding about track and field until late into my teens; I thought that a runner had to jump the hurdles without touching even one. Imagine my surprise to see runners actually kick a hurdle or two over, yet continue in the race. I thought there must be some sort of penalty. But no, you could kick every hurdle down as long as you went over them all. Of course, it slowed your whole race down quite a bit, so it made sense to leap across without touching them.

The Art of Patience

“And so, after waiting patiently, Abraham obtained the promise.” Hebrews 6:15

I am not one of those who gripe about how terrible “this generation” is. You will rarely hear me grouse about today’s society and pine for the good old days. I am not unaware of the deep ungodliness of our own times, but, any student of history will be quick to acknowledge that all eras have had their atrocities.

Keep Following

“Here is a call for the endurance of the saints, those who keep the commandments of God and hold fast to the faith of Jesus.” Revelation 14:12

What do you do when the odds seem against you? What happens when everything you’ve staked your faith on seems to be crumbling around you? Have you ever come to a crisis of faith, a challenge to the things you have committed your life to?

Larger than Fulfillment

Larger than Fulfillment

(“Be patient, therefore, dear friends, until the coming of the Lord. Note how the farmer waits for the precious harvest of the earth, being patient for it until it receives the early and latter rains.” James 5:7)

Stranded midair between the conception and completion
is the day we swallow our food without tasting, drink wine in gulps
and count every miscue that needs resolution to bring ourselves
to perfection.

Better to watch the rain as the red-hooded woodpecker, ignorant
of our project,
finds his food rounding the gray wafered bark of autumn’s late tree.

But our count is incomplete, our uncertainty competing with
the movie we produced in our memory before we ever began.
Now, halfway through, there is a quarter done,
and, without a time-bending solution, we will land far short;
proving the fact we should have started much earlier,
or scripted something shorter than our ambition imagined
inking open the first page and day.

Associates do not return calls; texts fly out, competing for space
with radio waves. They are late, they always say. They forgot,
conveniently mistaken. They would have told us yesterday
but (the writer apologizes, but cannot think of a worthy excuse
to follow the previous phrase. Excuse, please, the inability to
complete the thought). Stranded midair, yesterday hums like
a record sung backwards and texts never answered.

Better to what the river run with logs and branches from
upstream’s overflow riding the brown water. Better to see
geese overhead with silhouetted wings against the charcoal sky.

Better to take the next step grounded, and finish today what
yesterday started with dreams larger than fulfillment. I’ve seen
the day change in a moment and clouds split at the most
unexpected break in time.

Endurance

“Endure until your testing is over. Then you will be mature and complete, and you won’t need anything.” James 1:4

We usually hear this verse quoted something like this: “Let patience have its perfect work.” I think most of us perceive “patience” as non-active, letting life just sweep by, or sweep us along, while we do nothing on our part to advance. Even the idea of “enduring” can evoke thoughts of sitting in a foxhole, taking shot after shot, just waiting for the bad guys to stop firing at us.

Calm Down

“Do not say, ‘I’ll pay you back for this wrong!’ Wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.” Proverbs 20:22

Sometimes the pain that continually plagues us is not the result of wounds inflicted by others, but rather are the result of repeated attempts to pay back the wrong. It is something like a fire. The first wound is a flaming cluster of dry kindling. To repay the burn, we throw our own inflammatory actions onto the fire. Not only is there no balm or healing, but we actually create even greater heat.

These “pay back” sessions rarely end with the first fiery response. Burning words and actions aflame with retribution only feed fierce blaze until it is nearly impossible to extinguish. More lives are damaged as a result of the desire to pay back a wrong that was done to us.

The initial pain, if worked through in a healing fashion, can be manageable. But the pain which results from constant sessions of payback never heals. Like a wound that someone constantly picks, it has little chance to completely heal.

Most of the time we think the person deserves our payback. Their actions or words directly hurt us, and the only course of action is to make the playing field even one more time. Let them feel the hurt to the same degree that they caused it. This might work if we human beings were rational beings who always acted out of simple logic. But we do not. More times than not, the person doing the wounding actually believes they are in the right!

Think about it. The last time someone was hurt by a word or action on your part, when it was shown to you, didn’t you think your actions were justified? You were simply trying to set someone straight, or you wanted to correct someone before they ran aground. You were only trying to help, right? So, if they attacked when your attempts to “help” inaccurately stabbed them in the heart, you might react wounded yourself.

Slow down! Cool down! Let the initial rush of anger and hurt pass by. Though your emotional reflexes insist you must act now, that is not true. You can wait. If you unwisely pick up your club to hit back, you not only will cause more wounds, you will obviously not display the Spirit of Christ.

It is no great wisdom to say, “Forgive”. Though more difficult than the mere admonition, it heals what would turn into a raging infection if we take the battle into our own hands. To let old injuries irritate your heart, and to plan how to get even only keeps those old wounds open and creates new ones.

When you feel the pull to answer back, especially if you think you will look like a fool if you don’t, do what this proverb advises: “Wait for the Lord, and He will deliver you.” It costs us nothing to heed this advice. Lay the hurt before God, tell Him every angry thought, every burning nerve ending. To cry, shout, yell our pain out at God Himself is the start of healing, without the side effect of causing further conflagration.

Then, believe what He said, that He will deliver you. He will do it, though we have no idea how, though we might never guess His final method, He will make things right. We are often made to look foolish when we answer back in anger. But, to wait upon God gives Him the chance to work, not only on the perpetrator’s heart, but also upon our own.

The more we wrestle with ugliness, the more it sticks to us. The more we stoke the fires of conflict, the greater the damage will be. So, take some steps to slow your mind and emotions down. Get rid of the energy in non-violent ways. Write it out, pray it out, sing it out, whatever works for you. But refuse to be a part of an ongoing wildfire nearly impossible to put out.

Wait, yes, that means some patience; but wait. He will deliver.

Wait was Reward

Wait was Reward

(“Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again: Stay with God.” Psalm 27:14 [The Message])

I wandered down the marina path
to pondering street,
looking for the address that would
make my search complete.
But the numbers had been changed,
the houses rearranged,
and the sky laughed while I claimed
the neighborhood I remembered never looked like this.

I ambled up the hilly trail
to blackcrowing bluff,
seeking the scenery that would
stuff me full enough.
But the view was askew,
the shadows royal blue,
and the woods knew what I lost
after growing past childhood and daylight savings time.

I stood still, determined to find
the neighborhood park,
casting anticipation past
each beat of my heart.
And the wait was reward,
the face of the Lord
kissed me where I stayed. Recall
fades, but encircles, then, now and in-between.

Speeches are Dust

Speeches are Dust

(“And God’s servants must not be troublemaker. They must be kind to everyone, and they must be good teachers and very patient.” 2 Timothy 2:24)

The birds watched perched on the wires above
an afternoon wedding when the first rain of fall
tapped outside windows waiting for the bride to appear.

Everyone knows everyone’s business in these small towns
and small churches.
Everyone has assumed their point of view, newly acquired on the street,
repeats the truth so much so the repetition wraps it up like
wedding presents,
creased white and silver, and ready to be hauled off
in a limousine rented by the objects of it all.

Once one ranted, once one decanted the fireworks
too close for safety and what the law would allow.
Hit by arrows, sliced by swords, slings and public predictions
carved like reader boards above business doors
complain loudly, some proudly, some rightly, some likely
to be nearly the truth.

And God’s servant stands mid the battlefield, weaponless except
the gentleness, perching with the birds on the wire, hoping to catch a view,
an observation point well marked through no man’s land where
the footprints fade and the pathways recede unpaved.

Less paid than called, the servant stalls, serves the sides that
sat left, sat right, stayed away or shivered at the sight of another
fight over nothing. Kind like gentle, snow like soft sans cold,
reloaded with the holy ammunition, firmly where bold love
aims its sights at hearts deeper than wounds. The words sound
like cell phone calls interrupting a movie that has lost its audience
after the first overwrought scene.

Speeches are dust, anger is rust, eyes are darts
piercing; eyes are stars parsing the universe in words
unspeakable. We lay down our arms at the inconceivable
wrapped around our certainties like honeysuckle summer.

Taking Things into My Own Hands

”So I took things into my own hands, and sacrificed the burnt offering.” 1 Samuel 13:12b

Saul acts outside his authority. He was supposed to wait for Samuel who was coming in a week. It was nearing the seventh day and Saul got anxious; no sign of the prophet, the sacrifice was waiting, something had to be done.

How many times have we given in to that thought: “Something has to be done!” There is no doubt that certain situations demand action. To be frozen into inaction, our hands hanging limp in a crisis is never to be preferred. But there is also great wisdom in not overreacting. There is great strength in showing the restraint to resist the impulse to force a situation forward.

Saul yields to his own impetuous nature and takes things into his own hands. It was, first of all, never the king’s right to offer sacrifices. Secondly, Samuel had told Saul to wait for him. Saul had actually told Samuel he never wanted to have the priest’s prerogatives, but, the first chance he has, he does exactly that. He sacrifices the burnt offering! His actions betray a desire for power that his words tried to mask.

We may well say we support someone’s decision, but the test truly comes when we have the chance to put our hands in the mix. If we truly support what the person has done, we will resist the temptation to make it happen quicker, better or more precisely. It is their project, and our actions need to line up with our words. Forego your impulse to need control. Let the person pursue their assignment without feeling the need to tinker with it yourself.

Saul’s misstep seems to be such a small infraction, yet it costs him the kingdom. The act is the symptom of a greater deficiency of character. Saul does not trust anyone. He thinks David is trying to kill him and imagines his own son Jonathan is conspiring with him. He is jealous of the attention David gets when he returns from battle to the point of enraged tantrums. He is what we would call a “control freak” today. Even as king, he didn’t feel like he had enough influence, and tries to take the priests’ duties as well.

He could not control the hasty prompting of his inner nature and listen instead to the methodical and certain movements of God’s Spirit. How could he any longer be God’s representative when he acts only out of what is expedient, and not out of faith? How could he be a man after God’s heart, when he was a person of constant haste and restlessness?

And how about us? Do I respond to the hasty prompting of my lower self? Does impatience drive me to act well before any action is required? Does fear cause me to speak sharply and harm relationships with those around me? Does paranoia cut me off from full and open relationships with people who care about me?

When I was young I did what many other ten to thirteen year old boys did: I put together model cars and airplanes. Impatience was my downfall. My first few attempts I just glued and fit things together the way the pictures showed. Leaving a steering wheel out, or realizing the seats had to be put in before the body was glued together, next time I actually read the instructions. Still my haste won the day. Because I couldn’t wait to see what the finished product looked like, I left the painting till last. I know now how foolish that was. The tiny inner pieces have to be painted first, before it is assembled, or paint is splattered over every part of the model.

As followers of Christ, we have even more motivation to wait. God has promised that, if we wait on Him, we will gain more strength. And, to wait, we must slow down; to slow down, we have to get our hands off the situation and show God we actually trust Him.