If I Were

If I Were

(“For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” Hebrews 10:14)

If I were to take to the sky, unload the anger,
unleash the whys; what in the clouds would hinder
the upward incline of uncluttered vision.

Blocking my eyes, shading the wounds from
the heat of another burst of flame,
scars never form, but remain lesions of pain;
downward toward rarified slow motion.

Clutching the fire, containing its blasts,
the heart is burned from the inside out.
Stooping in anger, throwing flame and calling it
another blooming flower only
bounces off the ear and leaves the air unbreathable.

If I were to stand above the treeline,
look across the peaks of rugged time,
make my moment last an hour,
drink the thermos slowly like a
doubter
running the truth over his tongue;

If I sat atop the silent apogee; shade
banished with the trees,
and understand the ease with which
You call me perfected; (You call me
easily, You love me painfully);

If I did, if I fly, if I stand, if I sit,
the silence would find the hidden design
You have been creating from before my
attempted climb to labored precision.

Still in gliding, the old wounds riding the wind
and dying; motionless and standing at the apex smiling;
perfection is meant for gods. And God’s perfection
is an inside job I nearly had forgotten.

Lifting Holy Hands

“Therefore, it is my wish that when the men pray, no matter where, they should lift up hands that are holy — they should not become angry or get into arguments.” 1 Timothy 2:8

People often struggle with knowing God’s will. You can attend seminars to discover the secrets of finding God’s guidance. Book after book is written to help answer the question, “What does God want from my life?”

The Weight of a Grudge

“So Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing his father had given to his brother. Esau said privately, ‘The time of mourning for my father is near; then I will kill my brother Jacob!’” Genesis 27:41

“Carrying a grudge” is a fitting way to describe what happens when we are so offended that all we can think of is leveling the score. We pick up the offense in the morning as we rehearse the hurt along with our morning coffee. We carry on imaginary conversations with the offender as we drive to work, probably repeating the same arguments over and over again. We take the grudge into bed with us. After the weariness of carrying such weight around all day, we do not even lay it down to sleep. We allow its weight to press down upon our minds, keeping sleep at bay while the grudge grunts through our thoughts like an angry bull.

We Need You, Prince of Peace

“Ezra was determined to study the Lord’s Teachings, live by them, and teach their rules and regulations in Israel.” Ezra 7:10

Today 20 children were shot and killed by a crazed man in a Connecticut elementary school. They dead are primarily kindergarten students, plus the shootist’s mother who was a teacher at the school. Not a week before a man opened fire in a shopping mall, killing two and taking his own life as well. Nearly 10,000 were in the mall at the time of the shooting.

Numbers Don't Count

“Think of it—one of you, single-handedly, putting a thousand on the run! Because God is God, your God. Because he fights for you, just as he promised you.” Joshua 23:10 (The Message)

When God is for you, numbers simply don’t matter. That is what gives the courage and resolve to people who walk so closely to Him that their hearts beat with the same passions that God does. God had shown Israel His power and His commitment to them by subduing every nation in the Promised Land. He accomplished that even though Israel was much small in manpower and lack military training, strategy and equipment.

Calm Down

“Do not say, ‘I’ll pay you back for this wrong!’ Wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.” Proverbs 20:22

Sometimes the pain that continually plagues us is not the result of wounds inflicted by others, but rather are the result of repeated attempts to pay back the wrong. It is something like a fire. The first wound is a flaming cluster of dry kindling. To repay the burn, we throw our own inflammatory actions onto the fire. Not only is there no balm or healing, but we actually create even greater heat.

These “pay back” sessions rarely end with the first fiery response. Burning words and actions aflame with retribution only feed fierce blaze until it is nearly impossible to extinguish. More lives are damaged as a result of the desire to pay back a wrong that was done to us.

The initial pain, if worked through in a healing fashion, can be manageable. But the pain which results from constant sessions of payback never heals. Like a wound that someone constantly picks, it has little chance to completely heal.

Most of the time we think the person deserves our payback. Their actions or words directly hurt us, and the only course of action is to make the playing field even one more time. Let them feel the hurt to the same degree that they caused it. This might work if we human beings were rational beings who always acted out of simple logic. But we do not. More times than not, the person doing the wounding actually believes they are in the right!

Think about it. The last time someone was hurt by a word or action on your part, when it was shown to you, didn’t you think your actions were justified? You were simply trying to set someone straight, or you wanted to correct someone before they ran aground. You were only trying to help, right? So, if they attacked when your attempts to “help” inaccurately stabbed them in the heart, you might react wounded yourself.

Slow down! Cool down! Let the initial rush of anger and hurt pass by. Though your emotional reflexes insist you must act now, that is not true. You can wait. If you unwisely pick up your club to hit back, you not only will cause more wounds, you will obviously not display the Spirit of Christ.

It is no great wisdom to say, “Forgive”. Though more difficult than the mere admonition, it heals what would turn into a raging infection if we take the battle into our own hands. To let old injuries irritate your heart, and to plan how to get even only keeps those old wounds open and creates new ones.

When you feel the pull to answer back, especially if you think you will look like a fool if you don’t, do what this proverb advises: “Wait for the Lord, and He will deliver you.” It costs us nothing to heed this advice. Lay the hurt before God, tell Him every angry thought, every burning nerve ending. To cry, shout, yell our pain out at God Himself is the start of healing, without the side effect of causing further conflagration.

Then, believe what He said, that He will deliver you. He will do it, though we have no idea how, though we might never guess His final method, He will make things right. We are often made to look foolish when we answer back in anger. But, to wait upon God gives Him the chance to work, not only on the perpetrator’s heart, but also upon our own.

The more we wrestle with ugliness, the more it sticks to us. The more we stoke the fires of conflict, the greater the damage will be. So, take some steps to slow your mind and emotions down. Get rid of the energy in non-violent ways. Write it out, pray it out, sing it out, whatever works for you. But refuse to be a part of an ongoing wildfire nearly impossible to put out.

Wait, yes, that means some patience; but wait. He will deliver.

Honor has Fallen

Honor has Fallen

Let us register our complaints and let
rank rhetoric die (killer words like to
worm their way into cantankerous souls like
you and I.)

Words like bullets, sprayed across the airwaves,
(and others say it was true yesterday when we
dueled with lead balls and powdered propellant).

Do we justify our deadly rancor by the actions
of a previous generation who calmly shot for honor’s sake?

Honor has fallen too, at the feet of public gossip
parading as a grass roots movement to change things
for the better.

One pulled a trigger and 18 lead missiles flew
into the afternoon Arizona heat. Hit! Hit! And Hit!

Crack! Flack! Hit again and Fling! Flash! Crash!

Ping! Pound! The sound of grease and fire, the noise
of madness and assassination. Hit! Another clip.

The perpetrator
preferred government conspiracies to radio-heads
red or blue. It was me against all of you.

And we prefer to blame rants who can’t keep
their mouths shut,
we like to make it up as we go, knowing that someone
should have known
the sure signals that decode the killing brain of a
20 year old.

And we prefer to defend ourselves, not our honor;
forgetting sorry, and erecting battlements, castles
and moats while sons and daughters have been lost.

Call me a fool, a lone duck, and disqualify me from your
caucuses. I’m sure there are better causes than
blaming the air waves, defending my stupidity
or cracking open every brain to extract the dangerous elements

We think reside there.

It will scare us deeply when we find we have killed more with acid
and vitriol than guns have taken down.
I remember Your words, Jesus, don’t think I’ve forgotten them,
that when I’m angry with my brother, I have already killed him!

Register your words at the door, please. Or at least let us examine
honor instead of defending another misspoken alibi. We are libel

And unreliable too often with the truth.