I Never Wanted to Be Singled Out

I Never Wanted to Be Singled Out

(“And having been made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him,” Hebrews 5:9)

I never wanted to be singled out,
put on a pedestal,
busily talked about. I never wanted
a plaque to hang on the wall.
I get by with paintings by my friends:
surrealistic dolphins, purple frozen lake scenes,
and a floral still life that rings with the artist’s voice.

I’ve never sought perfection,
though I’ve asked permission more often than I’d want.
I’ve just wanted to pass inspection,
though I stubbed my toe on the un-expectations that were
never explained to me.

I love you no matter what your spoken language,
I’ll meet with you if you’ll eat with me the simple fare
at the concession stand. I don’t like pretention,
I’d rather meet you in a t-shirt and jeans.
Can I buy you a drink? Tell me your favorite brew?
Can I impress you with answers now that you have finally
asked the one question I understand? Honesty demands
that I be able
to ask you questions too.

But I fear you’ll only approach me with your
contingent of well-tailored men. They won’t give me the
chance
to ask my question. They look for ways to
cut our session short. You know I feared your
questions, not out of dishonesty, but because of the
implications that plastic leather seats squeaked like
geese imitating truth.

Here it is, my address. Do not share it with anyone else.
Meet me at the back yard, in the sun, on the deck. And
let us talk of sweet tea while the grandkids play in the water.
Children’s laughter will warm the afternoon.

The Eternal Value of Love

The Eternal Value of Love

“The world and the desires it causes are disappearing. But if we obey God, we will live forever.” 1 John 2:17

My first car is certainly recycled by now, its rusting exterior either melted and used elsewhere or degrading at the bottom of a landfill. Perhaps the rubber from the tires are now part of the asphalt I travel on with my new vehicle. That 1967 Volkswagen van was decorated with tie-dyed curtains and the spare tire cover was painted with an alpine scene. Since then I have gone through at least a dozen vehicles.

Full of Silence/and then some

Full of Silence/and then some

(“He is the Rock. His works are perfect. All his ways are right. He is faithful. He doesn’t do anything wrong. He is honest and fair.” Deuteronomy 32:4)

The moment was too full of silence,
abuzz with the smashing of atoms invisibly
making space for every thought unspoken. There was

No more to say.

The tears began with each telling,
the story repeated with different words and nuance,
inflection and outline, but the tears and the

Moment full of silence

Were always the same.

Our feet dragged going home. We have learned our
question well they days, “Are you ok?” I do not always
answer honestly, for it is her pain we mourn now

And not my own.

The world stands still with unexpected prognoses,
and the words blur after reading the emailed diagnosis
for the twelfth (feels like never). Don’t tell us

You’ll be strong,

We have not faced this before. And when it felt we could
breathe once more
the next blow came with threats and wind upon the sweetest
friend, the loveliest form and the most blameless frame ever
said yes to a man so far below her purity. She is light and
glows apropos. She is laughter itself, the out-loud giggle of
joy. Unmistakebly funny, she never defends her childlike
comedy.

So, I have to ask, O Rock upon which we’ve been shaken,
what heavenly economy has driven this silent storm her way?
She is more than mercy; she is grace itself; every sin, every act
of selfish compulsion, she erases with ease. I cannot dismiss the
harm I must have brought to her innocence; but she will not
remember what I am unable to forget.

Transfer her pain to me. Put it on my tab, let me repay
the streams of grace I have never deserved; the companion,
my dream-mate who only grows freer and freer over time.

Remember her graces, and from Your unfenced pastures of joy
bring her the nosegay of the wildest colors only Perfection
can supply.

If I Were

If I Were

(“For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” Hebrews 10:14)

If I were to take to the sky, unload the anger,
unleash the whys; what in the clouds would hinder
the upward incline of uncluttered vision.

Blocking my eyes, shading the wounds from
the heat of another burst of flame,
scars never form, but remain lesions of pain;
downward toward rarified slow motion.

Clutching the fire, containing its blasts,
the heart is burned from the inside out.
Stooping in anger, throwing flame and calling it
another blooming flower only
bounces off the ear and leaves the air unbreathable.

If I were to stand above the treeline,
look across the peaks of rugged time,
make my moment last an hour,
drink the thermos slowly like a
doubter
running the truth over his tongue;

If I sat atop the silent apogee; shade
banished with the trees,
and understand the ease with which
You call me perfected; (You call me
easily, You love me painfully);

If I did, if I fly, if I stand, if I sit,
the silence would find the hidden design
You have been creating from before my
attempted climb to labored precision.

Still in gliding, the old wounds riding the wind
and dying; motionless and standing at the apex smiling;
perfection is meant for gods. And God’s perfection
is an inside job I nearly had forgotten.

Unchanging

“The Rock: His works are perfect, and the way he works is fair and just; a God you can depend upon, no exceptions, a straight-arrow God.” Deuteronomy 32:4 (The Message)

Relationships can become very frustrating when it is impossible to depend on someone. I’m sure we have all been the victim of someone’s changeability along the way. We are lead to believe the person is trustworthy, true to their word, and we base our relationship upon that. And then, sometimes completely by surprise, we find we are not able to rely upon that person at all. They may have promised to help with a project and not show up. Perhaps they offered emotional support, but could not be found in the moment of crisis.