The Prepared Abode

The Prepared Abode

(“The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all that he has made.” Psalm 145:9)

It’s not over yet, our journey has barely begun.
From packing it all up to fleeing like the sun.
We can follow the ways of the wind,
investigate every sound from burping frogs to
fizzing hummingbirds.
There have been craggy razors on the rocky edges
of the ascent we chose. There are pebbles in
our shoes as we start the way back downward.

Here I am to greet you at the other end of the road.
I’ve been waiting for the announcement that you
are just around the corner.
We both took the long way, didn’t we. We smelled
the dangers in the dust firsthand. We even contemplated
turning back more than once. The nuances of the path
sometimes took us by surprise.

It’s still not over, even after you arrive. We’ll recount
our stories
like vagabonds slogging through our messy investigations
into numerous dangers we dodged and the times we
fainted without cause. We thought we might have to
pay our dues on the overdrafts we wrote against the
skies of patience. But

We arrived finally and understood the haven of rest
that waited our winding trek over trust and uncertainty.
Between here and there we were rejected by
handfuls who has sworn their devotion. The misinterpreted
our detours that took the long way around
their biases and preoccupations.

It’s no over yet, our sojourn will continue I suppose,
walking the world like a drifter counting planets
in the midnight sky. From front to back we knew
we never lacked what pulled us on. We found our
home in the company we kept treading upon the
earth until we discovered the prepared abode.

Rounded Winds

Rounded Winds

(“Search me, God, and know my heart; put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:23)

I took the journey willingly
(well, at first).
I had no idea what the yard would look like
once the light of day revealed the rubbish
in the wake of last night’s swift and rounded winds.

But like I said, I volunteered eagerly.
The first days were Californian Spring
and warmed from there to summer’s late nights
laughing at the same stories we heard every year.
We had no idea what shape the stories would take
further on down the road. We were more naïve than
bold.

I would go home elated and exhausted, the words
and pictures whirling through my mind.
I might wake up if the thunder roared or sleep through
the lightning storm that left the city looking like
a homeless dog.

After the winds rushed through, dislodging
tool sheds and tossing fences aside, the morning
was a mess and my mind was no better. I needed
something to show me the difference between what
was kept and what was swept aside. Every neighbor
had the same questions and wondered whether we could
tell the same stories we had the night before.

We worked in the light of morning toward the afternoon;
we replaced the rubble sooner than we expected. We
were ready to close our eyes near midnight
in peace.

The Best Way We Met Each Other

 The Best Way We Met Each Other

(“Lord, your name will be famous forever! Lord, people will remember you forever and ever.” Psalm 135:13)

Was there something so unruly it threatened to get lost in the mud
of high-sounding words that no one understood? We can tangle our
language in ways that they knots are impossible to tie. And then
no one knows the message, no one knows the time. We just throw
out proclamation sky high and miles wide and figure everyone would
understand
everything we have to say.

It’s not for a lack of good material. We have had a miracle or two
come our way. We passed the daunting chemistry test. We got the
promotion at work. We found parking places at Walmart twice in the
same week. If that’s not God watching out for us, I don’t know what else
it would be.

Is there a quieter pain, is there a memory that is more plain; are their
tender moments when we knew God showed up invisibly but perceptively?
Did a mother reconnect with her own family; did she find that words
had been distorted
and they all could speak differently now out of time? Did a lifelong friend
cry over his wife’s dangerous prognosis and find a distant friend who
reached out to fill his heart again. They had been inseparable, but time
and distance worked against it. When hardship that was beyond anyone’s
ability to change, was there a friend who, over the miles, offered a simple
hand and hope for better all in Jesus’ name?

I remember the dark day in my living room, at the bottom of every
uncertain turning of the earth and the quakes it was threating to bring.
Two men entered, and bowed before me, took of my shoes and humbly
took my feet into their hands, washing them of the grime of the day,
They were once Superintendent at the highest point in our religious district.
They had left the band and now played solo. They expressed sorrow over my
demise. I listened and cried.

The blues still subdued me, the rancor and pain still grew within me,
and friends gathered round, a redheaded fellow musician who loved all
the music I adored,(she turned me) a drummer who could hold time and also hold to opposing
thoughts in one head (he was to be commended for that), a single mom who
needed to know she was not failing her kids, and a widow who simply drank
her full supply of friendship around our dining room table every other week.

And we have not forgotten; we know the name. We will always remember;
we will not forsake the name. We will share cocktails, stories, songs and
poems. We will elevate the best way we met each other and the best way
our healings had begun.

How can we, how can we ever forget the way the sun shined on our
tentative gatherings, some of them around food lovingly prepared. We
were a haven for the hurting. We were a space for the unsure.
And we just tried to act like Christ to each other, as impossible as that
sounds.

We cried, we giggled, we dug in deep, we floated freely, we sang
and learned songs as full as a Christmas morning.

We cannot forget, we will always remember. We were grateful
that healing permeated everything we tried and every time we met.

Everything Universal

Everything Universal

(“After this I looked, and there was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands.” Revelation 7:9)

The tickets were free and the air was clear.
The arena was packed and I knew very few who were there.
But I showed up because of the invitation;
I drove to the top of the hill to get a better view of
where we were going.
I saw lawyers and doctors,
servers and chefs,
crutches and joggers,
every kind of human I believed.

I made my way down quickly not wanting to miss a minute.
The road was crowded, the line was slow, but no one was
impatient as we waited our turn. I noticed an old friend,
one I did not expect to see at such a raucous and holy moment.
He looked the same and spoke the same,
and I remembered his name the moment he waved at me.
Neither one of us expected to see each other here.
It had been 30 years since we played tennis together
on the weekends.

We parked near each other and walked to the entrance together.
I felt as if her was escorting me. But neither of us had any idea
about what we would hear and see. Myriads filled up around us,
circling the round rainbow throne.

We looked at each other before the singing began. This was the
most indiscrete moment we had ever lived. Millions, and maybe
billions outside the doors were all dancing like the world had
just begun. So many languages but we sang the same song.

We spent the time like we were levitating from the ground.
Gravity gave up its heavy bonds. 

And the Lamb. And the Throne. And our joy. And the Home
we learned we could call our own. Not a single wall,
not a impenetrable barrier kept any of us away. Our
tongues rehearsing native songs that we all understood.
Voices creating a new song from the old. Everything that was
universal
felt local that day.

Love that Bid Us to Stay

Love that Bid Us to Stay

(“Hear my voice according to Your faithfulness; revive me, Lord, according to Your judgments.” Psalm 119:149)

Daily the cracks in the sky open to help us feel
how the love of God can burst into flames and warm
our quiet and cold early morning pensées. The night
before
we had felt the zero that loneliness brings, sitting by a
fire
that no one else sees. We stayed outside till midnight,
just two of us exchanging stories we had told each other
a hundred times before.

Waking the next morning in our separate houses,
I don’t know if we dreamed the scenes we had painted
the night before. I wondered if the embers had turned to
ashes
overnight.

I pondered how many beliefs we left behind to find
their remains in the firepit we had constructed? Did
our stories match? Did our songs matter? Did our
recitations of memorized liturgies make a difference
today?

It was love that invited us, and it was love that
bid us to stay.

We wish we had kept our sense of humor
intact.

The Road was Darker

The Road was Darker

(“My life is stuck in the dirt. Now make me live again according to your promise!” Psalm 119:25)

The road was darker than usual
and I was unsure about the corners that wound
through the hills. I had spent the day wishing the
sun would shine more brilliantly to drive the
sludge away from my mind.

I had sat in the middle of incomplete and
run-on sentences that wanted to be certain that
I served my time.

And so, I left that small circle that surrounded me
with more weight than I could carry.
The night had fallen and I only wanted to find
somewhere that felt like home.

They were made of dust and so was I. But
beyond the wall of rocks they built to teach me
who to exclude,
they were certain they were building a temple when
instead
it was armory always preparing for war.

My anxiety grew, my skin turned white,
my voice caught in the back of my throat.
Mark my words, I had no syllables to say that
would make a way out of the imprisoned improvisations
that used “no” in ways that nonsense never heard.

There was no one who knew everything about me
so I set out from there on an excursion through the
night that might land me somewhere that left my
humanity alone. I wanted to find a place where
I could close my eyes and know that no one stole
my story while I was not looking.

I found a place to fill my lungs and revive my
fainted heart. Just outside of town there were circles
within circles and tables laden with bread and honey.
I pulled up with my lights on and tested the ground
to see if it would hold the full weight of me.
I turned off the engine and took my time examining the
lightly designed coffee cups being filled for vagabonds like me.

Secrets and Wishes

Secrets and Wishes

(“Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.” Psalm 116:2)

There always seemed too many barriers erected to
keep you from hearing my pain. Sometimes whispered<
sometimes gravely twisting my words, I had shouted like
a lost child threatened with the universe.
Sometimes I drenched the sofa midnight with the tears
poured out every excuse I ever gave for giving up
on the winding path too steep for my age.

I could point to the overnight fasting I tried one
New Year’s Eve locked inside a local church. I planned
to stay there till noon of the first year. I thought I
would break through, that God would show up and pat
me on the back and clothe me with something that finally
covered my instabilities. Instead, I called my girlfriend at 8 to
come and pick me up while I insisted we get some donuts.

I failed.

I thought.

After decades of clawing the dirt, of bawling at altars with
gray indoor/outdoor carpet, of repeating the same prayer over
and over
in the hopes I would be heard. There were decades I studied
the long prayers of an elder who implored God as long as a sermon.
I could not rule out that I simply could not pray. At least not like
long-winded partners who filled the room with time. I knew I did
not shine nearly as long as the power-players who pointed to miracles
someone else who told someone else had told them.

But once I was out of that cocoon, the echo chamber that jailed me,
glass house that only reflected
what other said within it; once I read the classics again and played
with my kids again,
something softly took me into its confidence.

It’s like when my grandson wants to tell me a secret and so
I put my face next to his with my ear by his mouth. He may mumble
something incoherent, but it doesn’t matter to me at all. He knows
I heard and that is good for the both of us.

God, do you truly bend down like that? Can I stop the crying fits
and the long-winded approaches to your throne? Oh wait, if you
bend your ear like that, you have left your loftiness far behind. Do you let
me whisper what I had been afraid to say in the middle of the moments in the
glass housed churches I occupied?

Can I talk and walk and, between verses of the songs I listen to, share a sentence
or two in your inclined ear? Can we hold court, but right here on the earth where
my feet trod, and the sheets I lay in when I have something more to say?

Maybe I will sometimes need to shout, but not to get your attention.
I may even throw a tantrum when the stars refuse to shine, but I’ll
end up whispering my secrets and wishes into your ear.

We Cracked the Code

We Cracked the Code

(“He has caused His wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate.” Psalm 111:4)

Our conversations were never empty,
though they ranged from laden to light.
We moved easily from jokesters to philosophy.
Do you remember pouring the wine that
brought solace to our bones? We wielded
the wisdom of toddlers learning the lay of the land.

You walked into the room like an uneasy breath
until we both learned there was nothing to fear.
We wished we had known each other longer
but we forged our way through the summer sludge
that stuck to both of our skins. Happenstance
had its work but never had the last word.

Trained in a different space and time we
might have lit candles for each other at the
silent altars of a lonesome cathedral.
We cracked the code like dual countrymen
raised on either side of the peaks we knew
as children. Somehow, we met in the middle
where I was an immigrant and you were a
natural born citizen. We capture the cadences
as we learned each other’s language. Mostly
we did not need to speak, though. We only
listened like eavesdroppers outside a
phone booth on the corner.

We were desperate for understanding, we were
anxious from too many shredded knees trying to
climb our way to acceptance. We could not leave
that behind.

And though it’s years since we have spoken,
the golden hues of sunset conversations have
not departed my mind. We were decades apart
before we met and perhaps the timing was all
that mattered.

Front Porches and Fire Pits

Front Porches and Fire Pits

(“May mercy and peace and love be multiplied to you.” Jude 1:2)

The negotiations nearly ceased when the
bands battled aimlessly. They played in different keys
and ragged tempos while we listened from opposite
sides of the park.
Gazebo against gazebo,
they played like the day would never end.
Our ears heard multitudes clashing. Those unused
tunes wiggled like earthworms below our feet.
No one planned it,
this disconcerting entertainment. It was merely the
result of too many musicians and not enough direction.

Thunderclouds had been building to the west all afternoon,
And when the lightning took us all by surprise the thunder
sounded out from one end of the day to the next.
It realigned our unrehearsed ragas and turned our attention
toward the rhythm the rain made as it hit the ground.
We had heard there were fires in the grassland and flash floods
in the hills. We counted out the time now, one and two and
three and four. We let the fancy trills and turnarounds go
for the simpler melodies of folks making it all up on
front porches and around fire pits. We put our instruments away
and merely sang. One word, two words, a break,
two words and then three.

We made up songs that sounded like they had been in the
back catalogue for ages. We learned them on the spot and
discovered we knew more than we thought.

We had been afraid that the discord we heard would
divide the afternoon from the giggles of children we were
used to hearing. We began sharing our apprehensions
across fences and learned there was so much more
we could say. We spoke and waved and tried our
concerted passages anyway.

We passed the lyrics on to our progeny.

The Words Came Slowly

The Words Came Slowly

(“Until what he had said came to pass, the word of the Lord kept testing him.” Psalm 105:19)

Perilous sounds like a good word to start a poem,
Unaccomplished might end it.
Sold like a slave and bound like a trapped rabbit,
we sometimes are fettered by our own lack of imagination.
We hope to find our future buried shallow in
our back yard.
We never expected to be at the cliff’s edge
with no way to turn back into who we once had been.

You can say what you want,
you can seek however long you will,
but my story will always stay the same.
Unaccompanied in a land I did not recognize
I stuck my claim on the lyrics hidden between
each note and time signature.
I memorized the songs of my youth and
sang them solo while I waited for a door
I could not open
to allow me entrance into the next level of
my dreams.

Affectations may be the words you find snuggly
tucked away mid-poem,
lingering may be the jump-off point to the final
verses. There were strange sounds that sifted between
the cracks of my catalytic walls. There were unfamiliar
songs teasing me to spend my spare time learning them
like they were my own.

Renovation began the moment I entered the
dimly lit room.
Patterns emerged like dust dancing in the sun.
The words came slowly and I learned them well;
the tempo was off, but I sang them sound.
Completed sounds like a good word to end a poem,
Unharmed might begin it.

A Blank Slate

A Blank Slate

(“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and yet he hates his brother or sister, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother and sister whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” 1 John 4:20)

I’d like to believe I am a blank slate.
I’d like to think I’m ready for the writing on the wall.
I’d enjoy the chance to talk in private the ways
I preside over public speech.
I’m ready for the old instructions to be rewritten
on my heart.

You were lying by the side of the road, a
castoff
of better times. Nothing in your pockets and
nowhere to go, you canceled your subscription to
unhelpful words of painted pain.

I’d like to believe I’d give you a chance.
I’d like to believe I’ve read the situation well.
I’d enjoy the chance to enjoy an open door
before I closed it for the afternoon.
I’m ready for the completion of the courses
I signed up for free.

You were worn out, a castaway who once
believed
in basic rhymes. Your mind was crawling with
nowhere to go, so you sat on the side of the road
and waited for--and waited for--the mail to arrive.
Words on paper might transform the vagaries
of time.

I’d like to write on the whiteboard of your heart.
I’d like to think you could read me like an open book.
I’d enjoy the chance to show you something
more than recited dogma, to serve you something
more than leftovers and crumbs.
I’m ready to accompany you through the shadows
others had left behind.

As You Started Your Descent

As You Started Your Descent

(“If I say, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your faithful love will support me, Lord.” Psalm 94:18)

Was the path too steep for you,
Or too slippery like a
snake on the ice?
Were the days laden with thunderstorms
and rain? You had been walking such a long time
that fatigue caught you unawares and
captured you in its claws. The day plodded on.

You had started a run,
jogging before the heat set in.
You waved everyone on that passed you
as you took to the trail. You always started it
slow
knowing your muscles and lungs needed to
warm up beginning so early in the morning.

The pathway rose above the suburbs and became
isolated at the top of the hill. The cedars and firs
lined the path and people had all gone into town.

So you quietly wondered if the mail came this far.
Your mind wandered cautiously; you thought about the
children who played outdoors in the summer sun.
You heard their laughter while you measured the
peak ahead, the point of the excursion.

But the mud from yesterday’s downpour
oozed onto the path you tried to finish. Like an
unfinished song you began to slip, one step away
from sliding down the hill.
It was not planned, it was the last thing you expected.
You reached out to nothing in particular; a tree, a weed,
a hand, a creed you could plead before you went down.

It might have taken a second; it might have lasted
the afternoon. But the hush of the moment kept you
rockily on your feet. It made you remember the times
others held the hand you offered before they reached
the ground. And a drizzle of laughter lit the
path for a moment as you started your descent.

Paper-Thin Verdicts

Paper-Thin Verdicts

(“And the anointing that you have received from him dwells in you.” 1 John 2:27a)

Things become clearer the farther I am from the
shore of my previous encampment. I was divided.
I suspected that love would win the day,
that spectacles faded away the longer they
sank into deepened ridges of belief.
We were not nearly as rigid as some,
but I shook and trembled when the
drought left me thirsty and burdened,
hardened against the living springs.

I still see the occasional pantheon of
unfulfilled wishes for something more solid
than words on paper thin verdicts. But there
were times when people came from miles away
to spectate at the reports they heard on a
balmy Sunday afternoon.

We learned to live off the experiences we
heard described by preachers of a dozen
days too soon. I read their books and imitated
(quietly, I should add) their rhetoric and stubborn
proclamations. People were sitting on windowsills
to witness it all. But moments later they still
walked away lamely to return to their games of
mutual superiority.

Today I hear, and demand far less; today I
appear to be listening for a voice I missed
when doctrines turned into trauma, and my
mind was wired for weirdly preoccupied
judgement. Today I learn, and understand far less;
today I am happy for the messy ways that the
Spirit speaks. When people traveled for miles
to see Spirit sensations they never thought to
find her in their own hometowns.

Yes, my ways are dustier now,
my mind uncertain but happy with the
unanswered questions that do not demand
decisions for the defense. The gospel is
muddier than that. And that makes me convinced
that clarity has presently inspired itself
on the eyelids of those who find that a word
or two
can fill an entire day of believing.

Maybe It’s Because

Maybe It’s Because

(“I have given strength to a warrior; I have raised up a young man from my people.” Psalm 89:19b)

Maybe it’s because time is catching up with me;
maybe it’s because I remember my youth only yesterday;
maybe it’s time to admit that memory is sometimes a thief.

Because I’d be there in a moment if you called;
because we were coated with primes and pastels;
because we left the door open to let in the rain.

I can reach further back than my first named love.
I can sing raggedly of my first bottle of wine.
I can see beyond a young man’s strength and spend
the afternoon wondering why it lingered so long.

Maybe the images are murky, falling so far behind me;
maybe it’s only the fragrances I’ve forgotten;
maybe we paced down main street after midnight.

Because I once could run a relay backwards;
because I once could play football in the mud;
because the summers were hot while the A/C whined.

I can rarely see the difference between love and loss.
I can cancel plans without giving it a moment’s thought.
I can playfully suggest we get together for drinks
and act like every day is a portal to something new.

I never worried about getting the last laugh;
I usually found the humor hidden beneath our words.
I would call and invite you over if only you did not live
two time zones away.

I might stick my neck out and suggest that when
we were young
we were holding our
options open. And now we are old and wondering
if our life insurance is paid.

But all that matters, all that shatters our illusions of
grandeur
is a gentle whisp of a wind that reminds us of summers
easily passing into autumn.

 When My Day Will Come

(“The Lord is not slow concerning His promise, as some count slowness. But He is patient with us, because He does not want any to perish, but all to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9)

 

anger and wrath of a warrior god will swipe away the remainder of the
uninitiated from the gravity of earth. They will be judged most righteously;
you expect them to be taken silently in the middle of the night.
You try to scare people into faith, but faith that warns of all-consuming
heat
simply will not last past the end of summer.

in the end times. Every storm is not judgement from an angry god.
Every traffic accident you survive but leaves someone else dead
is not worth your words telling everyone how God saved you.

eons to God.
We do not control time, we barley know how to respond to it.
If we clean our house faster, we have more time by the end of the day,
but what do we do next? And here I am, 71, and I can remember
a girlfriend from 50 years ago, and most of her phone number. I can
remember baptizing a friend in a duck pond and 5 am and can circle
back to that memory almost any time I want. But the future comes
more slowly and with less options as I age. Fondness and regret are
the twins of the past. The future moves me to weariness and anxiety.
But God, our patient God, dwells in every microsecond, all at the same time.
Even the dreams I have take me to a short workable future or to a past
where shit was given in place of truth.

and another one, looking out the window and wondering when my day will come.

It’s My Turn to Pay

It’s My Turn to Pay

(“Defend weak people and orphans. Protect the rights of the oppressed and the poor.” Psalm 82:3)

Once the day began with thought it would be better
to stop ignoring the troubles of our neighbors up the road.
We should have surrendered long ago and
stood with them in the rain while they waited in line
for untimely help. We covered them in
random songs we learned along the way.

I’ll meet you for breakfast; I’ll drive by and
pick you up by 8. It’s on me, by the way. It’s
my turn
to pay. I’ve heard what people say about your
downward turn of luck and then they walk away
like they are best buddies with God. They spew
undeserved cantons of excuses on the ground.

We hoped to persuade the unequal ground that
your pain deserved protection and your lack deserved
more than a presumptive hearing.
We surely would serve you something more substantial
than the soup we poured into casual tureens. Maybe we
could stand outside in antiseptic sunshine and convince
the onlookers of your full humanity. We would squarely
with you as we ascended the pyramids of eminence.
We would write the epitome of verses that covered the
curses that excused puffed-up rhetoric that left you living
behind the ghost town facades.

We left our assumptions behind this time. We warmed
up your coffee, we shared our hashbrowns, we picked up the
bill
and left a hefty tip for the server who called you by name.

I Think I Understand

 

I Think I Understand

([Jesus said] “Do you love me?” Peter said, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” John 21:17b)

I can’t help but wonder what you might
ask of me.
I’ve finally figured it out, though, that you
do not want to shame me. You meet me here in this moment,
ask me a question about where I live now. Not how I lost it
back then. Not how guilt forced me to forge my way to the one
thing I found comforting before you ever tapped me on the shoulder.

I barely understand you most of the time.
And when I do understand something inside starts off
dreamily
but ends up, quite frankly, wishing I had not heard.
What do you call a casual friend who knows every move
you’re about to make before you have even given a moment’s
thought?

One: I wasn’t ready for the question.

Two: I acted like I had no clue.

Three: I needed to warm my hands by the fire. I swore with
            the maiden who insisted she knew.

And then you had to walk by and look at me. I did not have
time to hide. You were already beaten to an inch of your life
but, that look, that gaze that was a blade to my heart, was a wavelength
that caught me unawares.

You have no reason to think I love you. But you knew my answer
buried deep under the rubble of my shame. You deftly pulled the words
from my tongue like
1,2,3,.
And I felt ready to cry again upon my confessions of love for you.

I turned away when you needed amity; I damned myself the moment
you saw my reddening face. But you never insisted,
never elicited an apology from me. I think you could see it
in how I shrunk back quietly to the previous comforts I practiced
before I knew you.

You told me to feed your sheep, and I felt I had nothing to give.
But I will care for them as if they are mine. Do you trust me so,
given all my stumbles in the dark?

You won’t let me wallow in the past,
you never held it against me at all. I think I
understand
this part.
Why heap shame on a man whose entire face
shows such deep wrinkles of self-administered guilt?
I think I understand.

Undiluted Beauty

Undiluted Beauty

(“Do not be so certain you have won. Do not speak with your head held so high.” Psalm 75:5)

Do you know what I do not;
Is your power so great you have brought it to the battle?
Do you take counsel or do you put your head inside a
soundproof booth to keep your personal plans alive?

I used to need to be certain. I figured I was truly right.
I met every argument with a counter more wise,
I heard every disagreement as a disguise keeping
people from candor. I was the conveyer of truth,
my arguments were leakproof as they left my mouth.

But my soul hungered for more. My soul left me to
wonder why the surer arguments started to leave me empty.
I could hold my answers in a single hand but the truth
was numerous as all the grains of sand. How could I
be that foolish;
how could my doctrine be so brutish?

Are you still grasping dearly to parchment paper
copied hundreds of years ago? Do you remain sure of
the single verses you have plastered across your walls?
Has your mind ever changed? Has your fight ever ceased its
battles?

Under this sapphire sky are seashell eyes waiting for
freedom and unshackled fire within their soul. They long
to see
a day turning to night as the pastels of evening paint
the horizon.
They long to hear undiluted beauty and see the symphonies
of love from an orchestra of joy.

What shall we feed them this time? What recipes will we use?
Have we chosen saran-wrapped sandwiches from the deli counter?
Or are we willing to freestyle some bread and fixings, humble
ingredients, and water springing from underground. Shall we
admit we don’t always know what to do with so much fresh
produce. But we will feed you just the same.

Carpet Swatches and Paint Chips

Carpet Swatches and Paint Chips

(“You must turn away from evil and do good; you must strive for peace with all your heart.” 1 Peter 3:11)

I heard the thunder in the late afternoon which is
unusual
for us in the Pacific Northwest. It just rains but
rarely sends lightning across the sky.

I guess I wouldn’t argue with someone whose
experience is different than mine. Not worth it of course.

I heard the arguments that went late after the
board
meeting about a net result of nothing. It is just a
few minds thinking they know it best and the best must
be implemented soon and perfect.

Evil approaches to darken the beauty that comes out
of the light.
Evil tries to erase the artistic soul full of words,
or colors, or shapes, or falling waters. We spend
so little time
letting even a single petal from a rose make our
breathing hurried in awe and reverence.

We would rather have our way pushed through like
a bulldozer building a dollhouse. We decide that
carpet samples
and color swatches
are chosen by majority vote. Which is what happened,
because a quorum had showed up. But one of those
who stayed home
kicked over the five-gallon pails of pain on the unvarnished
floor the next. A tantrum over a shade too soon.

We could not call for a new meeting; the walls were half-painted
before he
decided to throw his weight around. Peace was
interrupted like
an improvised explosive device. Invisible shrapnel
struck everyone gathered and nothing was ever quite
the same.

It seemed insane for a scrimmage to balloon for such
a simple tune. But we agreed, after piercing words had
already met their marks, to wait for the moon to cover
the night
and the sun
to dry the mud and then
we would look at the paint on the walls again.

With empty paint cans strewn across the long floor,
we saw the walls and their adobe pigment in a brand new
light.
Even the naysayers, heads hanging down, agreed the hue
was perfect and said nothing else.

We prayed the dissolution would not linger. But
sometimes you cannot head off the storm. Sometimes
evil breaks down the artistic impulse and insists
an exact pigment exists, a perfect reflection of hue and
light.

But some phone calls just never did sit right.

My Practice Session

My Practice Session

(“God wants you to silence stupid and ignorant people by doing right.” 1 Peter 2:15)

I must admit my practice session did not go well.
Right notes
in the
wrong locations.
Rests where they did not exist and a
panic I would miss the next measure of
quarter notes on the upbeat. I would try
to catch up with the voices by the next
turn of phrase.

But they brag on me just the same,
and I feel the shame of someone who receives
what they do not deserve. If only I spent more time
on the difficult passages,
taught my fingers to move in ways they were not accustomed to.

I am my own worst critic, but I know they can hear the patches
where I fumble, where the time is broken into shards on
the ambient air. I would rather show up to rehearsal with
every bar perfected like the vineyard’s best wine.

I suppose I can hide my fumbling fingers beneath the
beats of the snare that fills the voids where I forget
where I was headed. Maybe by the end we will be an
ad hoc wedding of the drum kit, bass, and my tentative
tempo. The staccato notes run away from me sometimes and
the drummer only stares. We laugh when it is over and
start again to see if we can keep the time.

I say all this only because I feel the need to let you know
I am much better about making it up in my head than I am
about transferring it to my fingers. My handwriting is
nearly illegible. I hope my beats will be readable.

Of Prayer and Song

Of Prayer and Song

(“Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing.” James 5:13 [The Message])

How long the day when the sun refuses to shine
on the dark pain you carry like a bag of sand.
I know the weeks are molasses crying in the night,
and the months struggle by as time strangles your
every word.

And now we pray. Will relief come? Set the weight
down on the ground
and see what answer comes. The Father is fond of you.
The Mother creates comfort for you. The Son soothes the
disquieted heart that runs apace of your mind. And now we pray.
Quiet. We wait for the word that empowers us for later in the day.
The day passes and we turn to face distress with renewed promises.
And now we pray. Within. The Spirit within takes our embers
and turns them to incense; an aroma of good things to come.

How light the day when the sun peeks from behind the clouds
and the flowers seem to wave to greet you as you bend over them.
I know the weeks fly fast, laughing until sunbreak,
and the months are filled with coffee with friends and a
few songs we’ve known since we were kids.

And now we sing. Will we remember the words? We pick up
the first note
of our earliest songs. The Father dances to our music.
The Mother harmonizes to set the song ablaze. The Son improvises
to prove he is still human just to remind us. And so we sing.
Lustily. We sing the first words that enter our minds.
We whirl like tops, dancing and transforming our heart-songs into new tunes.
And now we sing. Again. The Spirit pays attention and carries
our songs like afternoon wine; a vintage better than we had ever known.

That Calls You Beloved

That Calls You Beloved

(“Look, my God will help me. My Lord will support me.” Psalm 54:4)

I’ve seen what the external voices have done to you
building a brick red barrier around your heart. I’ve seen
the locked door that sealed up the most human of your hopes.
I’ve seen how the music has changed, how it challenges your
perception of time. If only the days would end sooner;
if only the quiet would be sweeter;
if only the love captured deep inside you would win the day.

I’ve heard the same voices; you know I have. They still
show up in my dreams, don’t they? And yet you live with them
like words to your face to channel away any joy you had
accumulated over months of collecting the smallest moments
like semi-precious stones discovered along the riverbank.
You hid them away and hoped they would not be found.
You wrote about them, journaling the discoveries that
helped your chest relax, that steadied your breathing,
that allowed the tears to flow without embarrassment.
You hid your writing too; fearful it would be discovered
and cycles start all over again.

I know how you want to be alone to heal,
I know how loneliness can pierce your head like thunder
invading the middle of the night.
I know how you deserve love, I know how you wish
to be held, and pampered, and treated with everything that
love means.

Your trust is like a frayed rope. You feel ashamed that you
feel only half human, when you would rather live a heart
wide open to the ones who see you truly.

Instead, you are not allowed to speak your mind or it
will disintegrate into screaming. You wish you could
stand outside and let out all that has been stored within so long.

I see you. I love you. I want to hold you. I want to tell you
the truth that lies deep within you. I want to whisper you are worthy,
I want to sing that you are more precious than anything I could find.
I want to kiss away the tears when they come and let them drop from
your eyes to my fingertips.

I want to be your new voice that you hear until you hear your
own voice again. I want to tell you, even as I write this, that you
are a diamond for me, as rare a jewel I could ever find.

I want you to know that, besides me, God is especially
fond of you. Fond like a mother’s cuddle, fond like a father’s
laughing eyes. Fond like a light that guides you to the
end of the trail, hand in hand.

Write to me and send it like a letter to the sky.
Write everything you cannot say and find every word
that sticks in your throat. I’ll read every line of you,
I’d drink a case of you, I’d memorize it and repeat
it back to you.

So, I share this very quietly, my words mere sighs
beneath the noise of apprehension. I will never compromise
what I say to you, your worth, your esteem, your value
in my world.
In this wide world.
Hear the voice that calls you beloved in each breath
you take.