Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

“If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you. If that person listens, you have won back a follower.” Matthew 18:15

I broke a glass a few weeks ago. That’s not the worst offense of my life, but this one was actually quite special. For our 25^th Wedding Anniversary Patti and I drove from North Dakota to Binghamton, NY to visit our son Michael and his wife Julie. While there Patti and I booked a room at the Painted Lady Bed & Breakfast in nearby Elmira.

Just south of the Finger Lakes region of Upstate New York, Elmira is also the hometown of Olivia Langdon, who was to become Twain’s bride. The couple made it their summer home and he wrote a number of his well-known books there. His in laws built him a writing room--12 feet across, with eight sides and a large window in each face. It was there in that study, perched on a hill above Elmira, that Twain began writing his great works.

The study now sits on the campus of Elmira College. The town provided such deep ties that the author is buried in Elmira at Woodlawn Cemetery, along with his wife, all his children, and his only grandchild. Patti and I had the privilege of visiting both the both his studio and spending a few moments alone at his graveside. Having read all of Twain’s books, this was almost as exciting as our Anniversary for me.

We brought home a couple of keepsakes from our visit: a pair of wineglasses inscribed with “Elmira, NY.” You have guessed by now, it was one of those wineglasses that I broke. Reaching into the cupboard for another dish, I inadvertently pulled one of the goblets out at the same time and it came crashing to the floor. I was speechless for a moment. Any other glass but that one! There was no way to fix it, of course. But at least we bought a pair. The second one shall be protected quite well, believe me.

It occurs to me that we sometimes break things more important than even commemorative dishware. Relationships are more valuable and sometimes more fragile than crystal wineglasses. As much as I wanted to apply some super glue to mend the shards scattered at my feet, I knew it would never look the same. Relationships, though, when tended with care, can actually become stronger at the broken places.

The great power of forgiveness and reconciliation are gifts we have been given in Christ. Those gifts can only be exercised in honest and true relationship. If we simply gloss over offenses, never talking or dealing with them, they stay inside the human heart, festering into something altogether more noxious than the original hurt. When we lovingly talk with each other, sharing our own concerns and personal responses, we open up the possibilities for the forgiveness, healing and strength that only Christ can give.

That is why Jesus left us with a clear path to reconciling relationships. The initial step is always to be taken personally, lovingly and carefully. Going to our brother or sister privately is a matter of deep respect. The person may not even be aware of the sin or offense. Or, we may have actually “taken offense” when none was meant. There is so much that can be accomplished when people put aside the desire to “win” and replace it with a desire to “win my friend”.

You see, talking it out doesn’t always mean I will walk away feeling perfect about the situation. There may still be particulars I’m hung up on. “Well, he didn’t say ‘sorry’ with real sincerity.’” Or, “Yeah, but we’ve talked about this before.” But, avoiding someone with whom have conflict leaves everything like an untended garden. Weeds grow, the ground cracks from lack of moisture, and nothing that resembles life can grow there.

Everything that is valuable in life has to do with relationships. We who are the church need to treasure those relationships with other followers of Jesus even more dearly. So, before you talk about it to someone else, or post it on Facebook, talk to the one who has offended you. And do it with all the humility and compassion of Christ.

It is interesting to note that Jesus’ guidelines about putting relationships right follow His statements that the “greatest” in God’s kingdom are those who humble themselves like “little children”. (Matthew 18:1-4) Then He reminds us that Father God is like a Shepherd who leaves 99 sheep to go find the one that has gone astray; not to discipline it, but to bring it back into relationship. (Matthew 18:12-14) There is no greater joy than having a broken relationship restored through honest conversation, compassion and forgiveness.