Forgiveness and Reconciliation
“If one of my followers sins against you, go and
point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you. If
that person listens, you have won back a follower.” Matthew 18:15
I broke a glass a few
weeks ago. That’s not the worst offense of my life, but this one was actually quite special. For our 25th Wedding Anniversary Patti and I drove
from North Dakota to Binghamton, NY to visit our son Michael and his wife
Julie. While there Patti and I booked a room at the Painted Lady Bed &
Breakfast in nearby Elmira.
Just south of the Finger
Lakes region of Upstate New York, Elmira is also the hometown of Olivia
Langdon, who was to become Twain’s bride. The couple made it their summer home
and he wrote a number of his well-known books there. His in laws built him a writing
room--12 feet
across, with eight sides and a large window in each face. It was there
in that study, perched on a hill above Elmira, that Twain began writing his
great works.
The study now sits on the
campus of Elmira College. The town provided such deep ties that the author is
buried in Elmira at Woodlawn Cemetery, along with his wife, all his children,
and his only grandchild. Patti and I had the privilege of visiting both the
both his studio and spending a few moments alone at his graveside. Having read
all of Twain’s books, this was almost as exciting as our Anniversary for me.
We brought home a couple
of keepsakes from our visit: a pair of wineglasses inscribed with “Elmira, NY.”
You have guessed by now, it was one of those wineglasses that I broke. Reaching
into the cupboard for another dish, I inadvertently pulled one of the goblets
out at the same time and it came crashing to the floor. I was speechless for a
moment. Any other glass but that one! There was no way to fix it, of course.
But at least we bought a pair. The second one shall be protected quite well,
believe me.
It occurs to me that we
sometimes break things more important than even commemorative dishware. Relationships
are more valuable and sometimes more fragile than crystal wineglasses. As much
as I wanted to apply some super glue to mend the shards scattered at my feet, I
knew it would never look the same. Relationships, though, when tended with
care, can actually become stronger at the broken places.
The great power of forgiveness
and reconciliation are gifts we have been given in Christ. Those gifts can only
be exercised in honest and true relationship. If we simply gloss over offenses,
never talking or dealing with them, they stay inside the human heart, festering
into something altogether more noxious than the original hurt. When we lovingly
talk with each other, sharing our own concerns and personal responses, we open
up the possibilities for the forgiveness, healing and strength that only Christ
can give.
That is why Jesus left us
with a clear path to reconciling relationships. The initial step is always to
be taken personally, lovingly and carefully. Going to our brother or sister
privately is a matter of deep respect. The person may not even be aware of the
sin or offense. Or, we may have actually “taken offense” when none was meant.
There is so much that can be accomplished when people put aside the desire to “win”
and replace it with a desire to “win my friend”.
You see, talking it out
doesn’t always mean I will walk away feeling perfect about the situation. There
may still be particulars I’m hung up on. “Well, he didn’t say ‘sorry’ with real
sincerity.’” Or, “Yeah, but we’ve talked about this before.” But, avoiding
someone with whom have conflict leaves everything like an untended garden.
Weeds grow, the ground cracks from lack of moisture, and nothing that resembles
life can grow there.
Everything that is
valuable in life has to do with relationships. We who are the church need to
treasure those relationships with other followers of Jesus even more dearly.
So, before you talk about it to someone else, or post it on Facebook, talk to
the one who has offended you. And do it with all the humility and compassion of
Christ.
It is interesting to note
that Jesus’ guidelines about putting relationships right follow His statements
that the “greatest” in God’s kingdom are those who humble themselves like “little
children”. (Matthew 18:1-4) Then He reminds us that Father God is like a
Shepherd who leaves 99 sheep to go find the one that has gone astray; not to
discipline it, but to bring it back into relationship. (Matthew 18:12-14) There
is no greater joy than having a broken relationship restored through honest conversation,
compassion and forgiveness.
