The Things that Make
Peace
“But we must do the
things that make peace and that help each other to do better.” Romans 14:19
If there is one thing I
have learned from my extensive experience as a parent, pastor and manager in business,
it is that criticism rarely motivates anyone to do better. What we often refer
to as “constructive criticism” is usually our own complaint about someone and
not something that helps them aim higher, and feel more enthusiastic or
positive about life.
Think about the last bit
of “constructive criticism” you received. Even if it was from someone you love
and respect, what were your inner emotions? Did you feel nervous? Embarrassed? A
desire to defend yourself, or deny that the criticism was valid? Don’t
misunderstand; there are times for “constructive criticism”. But we often dive
right in without considering how well our helpful hints might be received.
That is one reason that “peace”
is mentioned so often in Scripture, for none of us live in isolation. We have
families, neighbors, friends and co-workers. And, if we are following Christ,
we have chosen to be closely tied with a group of fellow followers. Likened to
a “body”, the church is made of up people who are connected to each other
because they are committed to Jesus.
Our physical body is a
complex organism of specialized cells. Some make up our muscles, some our
blood, others include skin, hair and internal organs. But the communication
network is our nervous system. Instructions flow by chemical and electrical impulse
to and from the brain along thousands of nerves. They monitor our hunger, pain
and sense of physical comfort. They send signals from our eyes to interpret the
visible world. Our experience of life would be both limited and dangerous without
the constant flow of information between body and brain.
Sometimes the chemicals
that facilitate the transfer of information can be out of balance. This can be
the cause for various mental challenges such as depression, anxiety, OCD, and
others. Since I am neither a medical doctor or a biologist, please disregard
any particulars I may have misstated.
But, here is the takeaway.
Our physical body is one unit made of many connections. To function at its best, those connections need
to be open and receptive. The same is true in personal relationships. We must “do
the things that make peace” because they keep relationships open. They allow us
to remain close, authentic and supportive.
Remember, when speaking
of “peace”, the Biblical writers did not mean “no waves”. We often mistake
avoiding conflict as “peaceful”. Think about it this way. Someone has said or
done something that caused you a great deal of pain. But, you believe in being
peaceful, so you keep it in, never bring it up, but also avoid the person as
much as possible. Now, look inside; do you feel peaceful? Of course not! And,
there is zero peace between you and
the person either.
The idea of “peace” is
Scripture has more to do with “wholeness” than it does with keeping the apple
cart from tipping. We can even think of it as “balance”. So, the opposite of
peace includes actions that minimize another person, that take away their “wholeness”.
This is why Paul says to “do” the things that make for peace. If peace was just
about “no conflict”, we wouldn’t have to do
anything. We could stay home, sip our tea and grouse about that old hurt from
ten years ago; all without disturbing the one who caused the hurt. But also,
never becoming whole ourselves.
That’s why Paul adds, “help each other do
better.” He didn’t say, “Lecture” about doing better, or “cajole”, “plead”, “manipulate”,
or (fill in your favorite method of getting people to do what you want them to
do.) No, he said “Help them.”
Do you hear that today?
In every relationship, and especially in the Church, ask how you can help
someone become the very best version of themselves possible. It will take
practice, it will take commitment to each other, and it will take reliance,
total reliance, upon Jesus who blesses “peacemakers”.
One last thought: It is
really hard to practice this relational style of following Jesus if you aren’t
with His followers on a regular basis. If you love Him, find a way to love His
followers, getting together with them often.
