Oops, Sorry I Said That

“Likewise urge the younger men to control themselves. Show yourself in all respects a model of good deeds, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity, and sound speech that cannot be censured, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us.” Titus 2:6-8

It has always been a source of humor and some puzzlement to me when, in the middle of conversation, someone uses an off-color word, looks at me, and says, “Sorry.” I have been in the ministry for many years, but worked in the secular world off and on as well. When I was a sales manager, no one apologized for colorful language, unless they knew I was a Christian.

I had a conversation recently with an 18 year old friend who had just apologized for dropping a word or two into our dialogue he knew were offensive. I asked him why it is that people become super-conscious of their language in the presence of a pastor, or in a church building. He first scratched his head, wrinkled his nose and gave the answer that 75% of teens give to any question, “I dunno.”

So, with a knowing poke in his arm I said, “Yes you do, you’re the one that just did it.” So, after a couple of false starts he told me that it was basically a matter of respect. I knew that already, and expected that answer. He was a bit stumped, though, when I reminded him that God doesn’t live in little houses with crosses on the peak; He lives in and throughout the entire creation.

That led to a conversation about whether language is important to God, and why. On one level, words are just a mixture of letters arranged in a way that we can pronounce them. But, beyond that, words have meaning. They can evoke emotion. They can calm a crowd or incite a riot. We wondered whether God has a list of “acceptable” and “unacceptable” words in heaven, and whether that list exists for every language. 

And, what if one word in one language is offensive, but the translation in another is not?

We started the conversation because my friend used what most would consider a couple of cuss words. So then I asked, “Is it possible to avoid any cuss words at all, but still have language that God might not like?” (An obvious leading and rhetorical question on my part…) We both agreed that there are all sorts of ways of speaking that are harmful and therefore not likely to please God.

Calling people names, belittling someone’s nationality, “hate” speech, and many other kinds of language were discussed. It wasn’t my purpose to get him to stop cussing, although I did hope he would think about why particular words might be inappropriate, even if you weren’t in a church or talking to a pastor.

Many have argued that much of what was crude and disgusting in a previous generation has become acceptable language in this one. The argument is backed up by the idea that certain four-letter words were once rare, and now, used more commonly, have lost their pejorative power. The post-modern linguists are probably correct.

But, what about language as far as a follower of Christ?  The call of Jesus challenges us to no longer reject people we dislike, but to embrace even those who hate us. Jesus introduced a number of His counter-cultural teachings with the phrase, “You have heard it said…” and “But I say to you.” “You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemies’, but I say to you, “Love your enemies…”

Yes, society (what Jesus calls the “heathen”) makes it perfectly acceptable to love those who are like us while rejecting our enemies. And He tells us if we do only that, only love our neighbors, we have not raised our standard at all. We are not counter-cultural in the least; we have been shaped by the culture.

So, how about language? Some may argue with my imagined saying of Christ, but what if He said, as far as language goes, “You have heard it said that certain words are now acceptable to say, though they may still cause some people to cringe…But I tell you….love your neighbor.”

It takes self-control to redeem our use of language instead of just letting any word pop out of our mouth without giving it any thought. Titus is asked to make sure the young men control themselves, and there is no reason that should exclude language. The issue is not about avoiding “cuss words” specifically, but giving thought to the effect of our language just as we do for our actions.

Paul advises the positive value of using “sound words” that cannot be “censured”. Sound speech translates a phrase that uses the Greek word “hygies”, from which we derive words like “hygienic”. He is calling for “healthy” speech; words and language that build up and do not cause damage. When he calls the words that can’t be censured, he is suggesting that no one can argue against language that forgoes the crass and crude, and seeks ways to build up.

Someone will surely say that there are times that only a certain will do. I won’t argue that. I just don’t think those times happen a dozen or more so times a day in a person’s life. (Knowing wink.)

Somerset Maugham, the British author, once wrote that the only thing that makes life tolerable in this world is the beauty that people create out of chaos. In “The Painted Veil,” he wrote that things like painting, music, and literature make it possible to regard the world we live in without disgust. “Of all these,” he declared, “the richest in beauty is a life well lived. That is the perfect work of art.”

Father, may all I do, all I say, be regarded as something that beauties the world for those who observe my life. Help me to be thoughtful both about the words I use and the ideas I put into words. May they lift others up and draw attention to the beauty of Christ Himself, and the world in which we live.