To Wait Until

To Wait Until

(“At once Jesus asked them to come with him. They left their father in the boat with the hired workers and went with him. Mark 1:20)

It does no good to wait until more favorable times
when following is freer from questions about
whether I will follow well or succeed at success at all.

I wish there were patterns for promised infatuations
(there were more than a dozen hobbies I never stayed with
for more than a year).
I wish there were recipes for baking a life just the right amount of time
(I’ve left out more ingredients than I’d like to confess).
I wish there were seminars for messiah-following
(oh…there are, I’ve attended dozens).

I could brag about all that I might have had; boats and extra cars,
dinner reservations and vacations anywhere I please.
I might boast about how quickly I ran after the Voice that
ran after me. But there is no credit in following
such compelling attraction, nor in giving away
what I never intended to have; beside regrets,
and those I would give away freely to the first asker
with no price, delivered promptly, to their front door,
postage paid, no handling charges. I’d even wrap them up
in Christmas paper I bought for next year’s holiday.

It takes me twice as long to name anything a success
as it did when I had people coming out of closets,
clients making payments, and invitations to digress
about current reservations. I used to run after You
and now my feet ache from bone-spurs. I used to
think so clearly about God and His country
and now my head aches with an incurable disease.

I had hoped by this time I followed You better,
but not nearly as well as my first week out of the cradle.
I could say I’m still working on this or that,
but I’ve worked longer than I should have for such
simply variations from the norm. I’d rather be silent
in my daylight, alone with my night-light, and
hope I’d followed well enough to come home

Tomorrow.