Never Sleeps

While a pastor on the Fort Berthold Reservation I was honored with the Indian name, "NeverSleeps". It was primarily because I was often responding to particular needs in the middle of the night.

Even more relevant, the Lord Himself, Maker of all, "Never Sleeps".

Surely you know.
Surely you have heard.
The Lord is the God who lives forever,
who created all the world.
He does not become tired or need to rest.
No one can understand how great his wisdom is.

Isaiah 40:28

Welcome to every reader. I am a simple follower of Jesus. He is perfect, I often fall short.

Showing posts with label apologies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label apologies. Show all posts

Thursday, September 12, 2024

Coffee, Apologies, and Shalom


Coffee, Apologies, and Shalom

(“Rest once more, my soul, for the Lord has vindicated you.” Psalm 116:7)

Pressed inside the corner, kneeling beneath the latch,
his heart ran faster than his frightened thoughts.
He was all alone and that is what he feared;
no one’s eyes for reassurance, no one’s ears to hear his pain.
He did not live on an island, but if felt that way.
He inhaled the foggy air and felt the drizzling mist
slowly wetting his t-shirt and jeans.
He would not need to change them, the air would
dry them on his lengthy stroll. He was walking,
cross-country,
home.

But even there the solitary day cinched his throat,
made his chest feel heavy, his feet weighted with lead.
Do you know how long it takes for
scars to heal while you sit alone waiting for the
ideas to form. He fancied himself an artist,
a sculptor of words. But the pages, always emptied,
demanded he scrape the edges of his soul with a
spatula to find just enough words to share it halfway with you.

Let’s go find him, I’m sure he is home.
Let’s bring him coffee, apologies and shalom.
Let’s sing his words back to him, let’s play
the music his soul absorbs.
Let’s get out his old records, I think he’ll
like the swing bands or some funk.
Let’s let ourselves in before he invites us,
let’s leave only after the last song is played.

He sat in the corner, his favorite recliner,
and slowly allowed the light to coax his verses.
He had always feared unannounced visits,
and was stuck for words. But this time he
was ready,
and he could not put his finger on why;
but this time he was open,
and he laughed in dotted lines across the room.
He laughed because ancient times are not nearly as old
as he assumed.

Tuesday, September 5, 2023

A Perfumed Existence

A Perfumed Existence

(“Yes, goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the Lord’s house as long as I live.” Psalm 23:6)

You don’t know it, but you should,
you have no apologies to make, you have
nothing to improve. Have you noticed who
has been following you?
There is only warmth within, only beauty,
there is only a perfumed existence from
beginning to last. Come out and play,
it is time,
it is time;
find the rain like ballet,
feel the grass, smell the clover,
let the wind, let the spirit turn you like
you used to. Let the music answer the
cry that
you mistook for smallness. Let the tunes
spin you playfully, you are more than the
angels. You are more,
you are more.

There are streams of words left
everywhere you go, there are unspoken flowers
that hover in the air everywhere you breathe.
You don’t know it, and I wish you could,
see the eyes that see you, see the delights
you bring to heaven and earth. You are
undiminished,
you are brighter than starlight.
You are a wanderer, but you are found;
you are a stranger, but you are a lover.
You are created by wonder, you are
enchantment.
Believe it by noticing who has been
following you…
…and who follows you still.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Struggling Hard


Struggling Hard

(“He could see that the disciples were struggling hard, because they were rowing against the wind. Not long before morning, Jesus came toward them.” Mark 6:48a)

It was my mistake to presume such a common phrase
would tune your understanding to match my own. I own
my words.

It was my sleepless dreams that made the darkness seem
void, a rubbery mass of scratchy canvas, on which I attempted
 to write the greatest work I would ever begin.

To drop a phrase, the haze shrouded the wind from my apprehension,
and I collected mistake after mistake along the skimming surface.
I could no longer argue that I was young, that I was unspun without
filters to block words I wish I hadn’t wasted.

But there I went, dropping the bait, and it smelled like yesterday’s
salmon in the sun. Combined like wine and gasoline
my words were rendered useless; cuisine nor boats dotting the river,
could stop my tears from quivering once I heard my words

Placed on the plate and served back to myself.

Oh, take the wind again, and store it away behind the hills
along the river. Gather the gusts that prove I am helpless against
the wind or tide, day and night I’ve tried to render my offhand pointers
harmless (but the soil in which the seed is born knows better
the foliage that has borne no fruit, and is sterile by the time
another generation is ready to be harvested.)

If you would gather fruit, common as wild blackberries,
beware the thorns. I can only hope sweet was deep enough
to brave the prickly. I can only pray the nectar remained
upon your tongue like primary words in a young-readers
repetition.

Come, my Best, and see my strain. My words
are dust, and my fruit crumbles from the pain I hoped
would turn it sweet again.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Washing my Face


Washing My Face

 (”Then he washed his face, got a grip on himself, and said, ‘Let’s eat.’” Genesis 43:31)

I never expected you to bring this up so many years after,
I never expected you to be so sensitive.
I told you then, and I tell you again,
I only did what I thought was right
and no, I will not politely say I’m sorry it hurt you
anyway.

+I knew you would think me weak
+stubborn or troubled, bitter or twisted
+to bring up the issue a dozen years later
+that you never took kindness to address at the time.

I know your kind, you keep squeezing and squeezing
until one small drop, one dollop of tubed apology tops your
dessert that has nearly melted with the waiting.

+And I know your kind, the kind that will not bend, a knife in the wind,
+and will only make my second and third attempt to turn your head around
+more reason to suspect I never lived up to your
+unblinking standards.

Standards are standards, and you broke them.
You want my grace but you hate to give to others.
So you push me and push me (why would I admit
wrongdoing when I only did what I thought was right)
despite whatever pain you say it caused
my hands are clean; you’re the lawless one.

+I’ve admitted, bowed, taken the blows,
+each misstep I admitted, scraped and cowed; you know
+all this. And, to try my grace: apologize.
+I have no hidden agendas, no moral alibis,
+but would mouth a simple “Thanks”, though late,
+the unabated, ‘sorry the wounds bled more for actions”
+would receive grace and more than was sent to me.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Who is the Clown Now?


Who is the Clown Now?

Anyone has enough air to blow a balloon
until it bursts.
Let the voice be heard, afterward, that
apologizes the destruction of a child’s cheap toy.

I have observed, perhaps you have too, that those with the greatest air,
who have destroyed the most balloons,
have no apologies left of their breath
and yet
still monopolize the conversation over
who left the latex colored bits busted across the floor.