Never Any Debts

Never Any Debts

(“You shall not take vengeance, nor hold any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:18)

You don’t remember the time when
pain was the only word I could define,
do you?
I could say I don’t mind, but that would be
untrue. I tossed my stones into a lake
years ago. And yet, today I can see the
reflection of scowls I carried because
I married your apologies to my mood.
I was a fool.

And because I can still see your face
doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to erase the
words that no one disguised. Coffee would
be nice. Or a two-hour lunch where either of us
cried. Losses pile up.

I don’t mean to say you owe me anything. I’m
still paying my own debts this late, too far past Spring.
I don’t mean to say anyone should have loved me more. I’ve
lengthened the timeline and still wonder that any of us
are loved at all.

So, if I call you next week, or send you a note in the mail,
I’ve settled accounts, and all the debts are on my side of the
ledger. I took too much interest in
looking for your check in the mail. I was

Whole

Before it all began. And we both were
uncertain by the time the bills came due.

All I can tell you, all I know for now,
is to love you is to love myself. To walk
in light is to see you unhindered by my own
timeline of pain. You are, to say it again,
free, my friend. There were never any debts to
begin with.