Please Look at Me (a reworking of Psalm 13)

Please Look at Me
a reworking of Psalm 13

(“But I have trusted in Your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in Your deliverance.” Psalm 13:5)

I sent a letter, I tweeted a tweet, I posted it and messaged it and
none remembered? How long? Forever? No faces show up to
share a smile. And all the while, You, the One who says you are
crazy in love with me,
never show up!
So I’ve stored up all the junk in my life. The padlock is broken,
the rent is unpaid. And every day my anxiety fills the dusty corners
behind the cardboard boxes and ashy picture albums.
How long, damn it! How long? My mind is being wrung like
a dishcloth, then run under hot water and wrung again. And
my friend, (I thought) has all the cards. They have the weapons,
I have my tears.

So, will you please look at me.
NOW
god? My eyes are grey around the edges, red from the crying
that has emptied all their defenses. I would rather sleep,
no, rather sleep and die. Then I’ll no longer fight for the love
of friends
or companions. And they can say they won the big round this time.
My shakiness only confirms their assumptions. I cannot stop the
shaking.

Don’t tell me I’ve been wrong by relying on your love Divine one, I need
joy
so deliver me from the harsh looks, the mental crooks, the shivering
hooks that keep pulling me back into doubt and deep cavern darkness.
I am still alive, so I suppose you have treated me generously. But today,
I just don’t feel like singing.
I just don’t feel like dancing.
I just feel like a call from a friend would

Open my sky again.