Think What You Want to Think

 

Think What You Want to Think

(“Therefore, if you have been raised with the Messiah, keep focusing on the things that are above, where the Messiah is seated at the right hand of God.” Colossians 3:1)

I hope you don’t mind that I
write
between my tears again.
Maybe my questions are too personal,
maybe my heart is not hard enough.
Today I think I’ll hold it inside.
Today I think I’ll let you guess what is
happening inside me.

Think what you want to think,
sing what you want to sing.

But I can think of nothing to sing when
I recognize the path I’ve been down
time and again, still the gates are closed,
the doors are jammed, the windows barred, yet
there is still a welcome mat on the front porch.

I hope you don’t mind that I
wait
and do not knock this time.
My answers are too personal,
maybe my heart is leaking too much.
Today I think I’ll stand outside.
Today I think I’ll find the address of someone
who cares to share
what is happening inside of them.

Breathe what you want to breathe,
cry what you want to cry.

But my chest is tight, my tears sucked back
into my eyes.
I liked your house for too long, I guess. I
was comfortable there
until I was not.
Today I’ll wait because the weather might change.
Today I’ll shake in the cold because I don’t have
enough clothes
to invest in another friendship
fraught with impossibilities and silence. People
still frighten me.

And yet, even a shard of each star we gazed at
lies buried somewhere in my heart.

Eat what you want to eat,
drink what you want to drink.

And I will knock on your door once more,
a bottle of wine and two chairs on the front porch.
Perhaps after a glass or two
we can turn the first few pages of
the next chapter.