Come Near

Come Near

(“But God brought him back to life…” Acts 13:30)

Make no mistake, I believe in the resurrection,
but sometimes, here alone with the hours crawling by me,
I scratch my head over the rising from the dead.

When the air is heavy, the room is empty,
my mind is leaden and my head sinks beneath the
horizon between earth and sky;

When no one passes by and words are weaponized,
I long to see the view from the gondola of a
hot air balloon.

Or perhaps to hear the voice (another voice than mine)
tell me it is okay this time.

But even as I try to write about the doctrine I should have
no doubt about,
everything I think I know lives on the brink of termination.

But then, resurrection never precedes death, does it?
But why has my life felt like dying for so long?
And You, who have died and now are alive,
I wish you would visit now and again
in the voice of a trusted friend
or the face of children hopping with
eyes like fireflies against the forested backdrop.

“by faith, by faith, by faith,” they say,
and I believe them. They know every jot and tittle,
but cannot fathom the pathos of the heart.

“come near, come near come near,” I plead,
and they distrust me. I know every flaw and dimple,
but cannot discern the presence of the Son…

…until the breath returns to my lungs, until the apples
hang like Christmas bulbs, until a fawn crosses my path
and watches me like a puppy unawares. Until I see

That He inhabits everything, and has before the dying,
before Adam-and-Eve-ing, before creating the breathless void
we travel on. He is the last and was always the first,
ever present before the light began.