Heritage and Identity

Heritage and Identity

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, because I’m a sinful man, Lord!” (Luke 5:8) “Don’t be afraid,” Jesus told Simon. “From now on you will be catching people!” (Luke 5:10)

It is a well-attested truth that our self-concept strongly affects our behavior. In this interesting passage we see Peter calling himself a sinner, and Jesus’ answer that allayed his fears.

Peter and his friends had fished all night and caught nothing. Jesus tells him to put his nets into the deep water and prepare for a catch. Peter tells him of the previous night’s failure yet acquiesces saying, “But at your word, I’ll let down the nets.”

Doing so, they hauled in such a catch that their nets began to tear. There were so many fish that they had to signal their partner to bring the other boat for help. Filled to the brim, both boats nearly sank with their load. This is when Peter falls at Jesus’ feet, calling himself a sinner, and asking Jesus to go away from him!

Every family has its stories about ancestors and origins. My family had two; one related to my father’s side, and the other on my mom’s.

My last name is Phillips. But I had been told throughout the years that Phillips was not our original family name. Indeed, it was only four or five generations old. As my parents told it, my great-great grandfather was named Phillip Rhein. Because he lived during WWI and prejudice against Germans was so high at the time, he had his name legally changed. And so, he was now a “Phillips” and not a “Rhein”.

Or so I believed until just a few months ago. I had lunch with my uncle Veril, my dad’s only brother, and wanted to get as many family stories from him as possible. Dad passed away over 10 years ago, so my uncle is the only living source. We began to talk about the generations; his dad Lyle (my grandfather) and mother Frances (my grandmother) whom I called “Bampaw” and “Mamaw”. Veril didn’t remember much about his grandfather, but then told me about his great-grandfather, Phillip Rhein.

I stopped him and told him I knew the story about the name change during WWI. Veril said that was impossible and we both did the math. He was correct, Phillip would have lived in the mid-19^th century.

Veril went on to tell his version of the story. Phillip Rhein had apparently been accused of stealing a horse. (No one knows if he actually absconded with one or not.) But, hoping to avoid arrest, he changed his name.

I was dumfounded. I had never heard this story. But it made far more sense than the one I had believed my whole life. The dates just didn’t work otherwise. The story is a bit ironic, though. I asked my uncle, “You do know what the last name ‘Phillips’ means, don’t you?” He said he did not.

I replied, “Lover of horses!”

So, I no longer am descended from someone who faced ethnic prejudice, but instead from a potential horse thief!

My mom had always told us we had Indian blood. In fact, the story went that somewhere back in our lineage we were descended from a Cherokee princess. Imagine that! Not only did I have a Native background, I was royalty.  I played that to the hilt as a child. In my junior high school there were two “gangs” (gangs meaning: a group you belong to because you are more special than others.) They were the Animals and the Indians. You can guess which gang I chose.

I was always enamored of Native American history and culture. I loved traveling the Southwest with my family and seeing the Navajo reservations, the Hopi cliff dwellings and the Kachina dolls of the Pueblo people.

The first church I pastored was on the Fort Berthold Indian Reservation of the Three Affiliated Tribes. There the Mandan, Hidatsa and Arikara dwell together on about 1500 square miles in North Dakota. I never knew how my Native friends would respond when I said I had Indian blood, even the tiniest bit.

But they usually responded with great encouragement, asking me what tribe? When I said, “Cherokee”, they almost always laughed, “Yeah, every white guy that has Indian blood is Cherokee!”

Twenty years after leaving Fort Berthold my wife and I took a 23andme DNA test. I was anxious to see what it showed about my Native American heritage. We tore into the box, found the web address to view our results and waited for the page to load. I scanned it over and over again, trying to make sense of it. It was all as I expected: mostly Northern European. But there were zero markers for Native American ancestry. None! Now I felt I needed to go back to all my good friends at Ft. Berthold and give them a public apology.

So, now I’m the descendant of a possible horse thief, and I lied to a myriad of friends about my Native American heritage.

“Go away from me, because I’m a sinful man, Lord!”

I don’t really feel at that sinful about these stories. For one, I was acting only on information I possessed. But, if I had based my self-worth on either of them, and found out they were false, it could have produced quite a negative effect.

Peter had done nothing particularly sinful either. He fished, caught nothing, did what Jesus said and caught two boatloads of fish. But, in the presence of Jesus’; the presence of Jesus, he felt himself a sinful man.

Many people turn this into a story of what one must do to be saved. So, like Peter, they want us to exclaim how sinful we are and how afraid we are to even be in Jesus’ presence.

But, for this story at least, I do not think that is the purpose. What does Jesus instantly say to Peter? “Don’t be afraid.” Hmm…Doesn’t sound like a “sinner in the hands of an angry God”, does it?

Jesus doesn’t want Peter wallowing in fear. He wants Peter to live up to the purpose God has for him. This doesn’t minimize sin, don’t get me wrong. But sin is simply when we try to hit the target of God’s best and miss. And we all miss.

Coming to that realization is when we can hear Jesus say, “Do not fear.” It is not God’s desire for any person to be so afraid that we want the Divine presence as far away as possible.

Jesus essentially tells Peter that he’s not going anywhere, saying, “From now on you will be catching people!” In other words, “Peter, no, don’t ask me to go away. I’ve got a job for you!”

Do you realize that my friend? Jesus came to show us what God is truly like. Oh yes, we need to be honest about our failings. But we do not need to be afraid of God because of them. Instead, hear Jesus say these two things. First, “Do not be afraid.” Why would the one who is love itself want any of us to be frightened in his presence? And second, “I’ve got a job for you to do.” That’s right, he chooses you before you even get one doctrine correct, one verse memorized or attended one Bible study.

I don’t know what’s in your past. My past turned out different than I had imagined anyway. Today, in the present, hear Jesus say, “Do not be afraid”, and then, go be the person He is calling you to be. Don’t find your identity in your past, no matter what it is. Hear Jesus inviting you to an identity as someone called to a significant purpose by God himself.