When
Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me,
because I’m a sinful man, Lord!” (Luke 5:8) “Don’t be afraid,” Jesus told Simon. “From
now on you will be catching people!” (Luke 5:10)
It is a
well-attested truth that our self-concept strongly affects our behavior. In
this interesting passage we see Peter calling himself a sinner, and Jesus’
answer that allayed his fears.
Peter
and his friends had fished all night and caught nothing. Jesus tells him to put
his nets into the deep water and prepare for a catch. Peter tells him of the
previous night’s failure yet acquiesces saying, “But at your word, I’ll let
down the nets.”
Doing
so, they hauled in such a catch that their nets began to tear. There were so
many fish that they had to signal their partner to bring the other boat for
help. Filled to the brim, both boats nearly sank with their load. This is when
Peter falls at Jesus’ feet, calling himself a sinner, and asking Jesus to go
away from him!
Every
family has its stories about ancestors and origins. My family had two; one
related to my father’s side, and the other on my mom’s.
My last name is
Phillips. But I had been told throughout the years that Phillips was not our
original family name. Indeed, it was only four or five generations old. As my
parents told it, my great-great grandfather was named Phillip Rhein. Because he
lived during WWI and prejudice against Germans was so high at the time, he had
his name legally changed. And so, he was now a “Phillips” and not a “Rhein”.
Or so I believed until
just a few months ago. I had lunch with my uncle Veril, my dad’s only brother,
and wanted to get as many family stories from him as possible. Dad passed away
over 10 years ago, so my uncle is the only living source. We began to talk
about the generations; his dad Lyle (my grandfather) and mother Frances (my
grandmother) whom I called “Bampaw” and “Mamaw”. Veril didn’t remember much
about his grandfather, but then told me about his great-grandfather, Phillip
Rhein.
I stopped him and told
him I knew the story about the name change during WWI. Veril said that was
impossible and we both did the math. He was correct, Phillip would have lived
in the mid-19th century.
Veril went on to tell
his version of the story. Phillip Rhein had apparently been accused of stealing
a horse. (No one knows if he actually absconded with one or not.) But, hoping
to avoid arrest, he changed his name.
I was dumfounded. I
had never heard this story. But it made far more sense than
the one I had believed my whole life. The dates just didn’t work otherwise. The
story is a bit ironic, though. I asked my uncle, “You do know what the last
name ‘Phillips’ means, don’t you?” He said he did not.
I replied, “Lover of
horses!”
So, I no longer am
descended from someone who faced ethnic prejudice, but instead from a potential
horse thief!
My mom had always told
us we had Indian blood. In fact, the story went that somewhere back in our
lineage we were descended from a Cherokee princess. Imagine that! Not only did
I have a Native background, I was royalty. I played that to the hilt
as a child. In my junior high school there were two “gangs” (gangs meaning: a
group you belong to because you are more special than others.) They were the
Animals and the Indians. You can guess which gang I chose.
I was always enamored of
Native American history and culture. I loved traveling the Southwest with my
family and seeing the Navajo reservations, the Hopi cliff dwellings and the
Kachina dolls of the Pueblo people.
The first church I
pastored was on the Fort Berthold Indian Reservation of the Three Affiliated
Tribes. There the Mandan, Hidatsa and Arikara dwell together on about 1500
square miles in North Dakota. I never knew how my Native friends would respond
when I said I had Indian blood, even the tiniest bit.
But they usually
responded with great encouragement, asking me what tribe? When I said,
“Cherokee”, they almost always laughed, “Yeah, every white guy that has Indian
blood is Cherokee!”
Twenty years after
leaving Fort Berthold my wife and I took a 23andme DNA test. I was anxious to
see what it showed about my Native American heritage. We tore into the box,
found the web address to view our results and waited for the page to load. I
scanned it over and over again, trying to make sense of it. It was all as I
expected: mostly Northern European. But there were zero markers for Native
American ancestry. None! Now I felt I needed to go back to all my good friends
at Ft. Berthold and give them a public apology.
So, now I’m the
descendant of a possible horse thief, and I lied to a myriad of friends about
my Native American heritage.
“Go away from me,
because I’m a sinful man, Lord!”
I don’t really feel at
that sinful about these stories. For one, I was acting only on information I
possessed. But, if I had based my self-worth on either of them, and found out
they were false, it could have produced quite a negative effect.
Peter had done nothing
particularly sinful either. He fished, caught nothing, did what Jesus said and
caught two boatloads of fish. But, in the presence of Jesus’; the presence of
Jesus, he felt himself a sinful man.
Many people turn this
into a story of what one must do to be saved. So, like Peter, they want us to
exclaim how sinful we are and how afraid we are to even be in Jesus’ presence.
But, for this story at
least, I do not think that is the purpose. What does Jesus instantly say to
Peter? “Don’t be afraid.” Hmm…Doesn’t sound like a “sinner in the hands of an
angry God”, does it?
Jesus doesn’t want Peter
wallowing in fear. He wants Peter to live up to the purpose God has for him.
This doesn’t minimize sin, don’t get me wrong. But sin is simply when we try to
hit the target of God’s best and miss. And we all miss.
Coming to that
realization is when we can hear Jesus say, “Do not fear.” It is not God’s
desire for any person to be so afraid that we want the Divine presence as far
away as possible.
Jesus essentially tells
Peter that he’s not going anywhere, saying, “From now on you will be catching
people!” In other words, “Peter, no, don’t ask me to go away. I’ve got a job
for you!”
Do you realize that my
friend? Jesus came to show us what God is truly like. Oh yes, we need to be
honest about our failings. But we do not need to be afraid of God because of
them. Instead, hear Jesus say these two things. First, “Do not be afraid.” Why
would the one who is love itself want any of us to be frightened in his
presence? And second, “I’ve got a job for you to do.” That’s right, he chooses
you before you even get one doctrine correct, one verse memorized or attended
one Bible study.
I don’t know what’s in
your past. My past turned out different than I had imagined anyway. Today, in
the present, hear Jesus say, “Do not be afraid”, and then, go be the person He
is calling you to be. Don’t find your identity in your past, no matter what it
is. Hear Jesus inviting you to an identity as someone called to a significant
purpose by God himself.
