Everything I Need

“Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!” Psalm 23:1

Our 20 year-old daughter called me in tears on her way home from work and college. Living 20 miles down a winding road that hugs the curves of the Columbia River, Washington Highway 4 sees its share of vehicle accidents. Sarah had hit a huge rock only about five miles from home and damaged her tire. Since I was sick in bed with the flu, her mom drove out to keep her company until AAA arrived.

It was the end of a long, hard day and it wasn’t the first time Highway 4 had reached up and punctured one of her tires. With the donut spare now attached, she followed her mother home. The next day we discovered that not only was her primary tire ruined, but so was her donut, and the rock had also bent her rim beyond repair. Yes, the ching-ching of the auto repair cash register kept climbing in pitch!

I hate to confess this, but I am a worrier. When it comes to finances, I am constantly on edge. I also don’t manage my personal income well (probably a result of my fear of not having enough). My father was a child of the Depression and every single penny was saved. We never bought anything new, but wore hand-me downs and thrift store clothing before vintage was in style. One Christmas my Dad bought Mom a “new” car. It was a ten year-old Fiat with the passenger seat missing. We camped on vacation, not because my parents loved the outdoors but because motel rates were out of reach.

So, for me, all of that created a certain fear of never having enough. I am not yet completely at ease with my emotions concerning finances, but I’m a lot better than I used to be. But, understanding how my upbringing contributed to my fear of poverty, I told our daughter to “not fret” about her car situation.

Though we are not in a position to “pay her way”, we certainly are able to provide a bit of a safety net for the ordinary crises that happen to someone on the starting blocks of young adulthood. I said, “Honey, you don’t know how much all of this is going to cost yet, and neither do I. I am not saying we will pay for it, but what I am saying is that I do not want you to fret. When you worry it hinders your ability to make decisions, and it detracts from simply being able to enjoy life. Honey, you’re covered. If you have to borrow from us, that’s fine. If it works out that you can pay it all, even better. But, don’t fret.”

Some might argue my parenting, and that is just fine. What I wanted to do was to let her see that Daddy is front and center, even as she is moving away from our home and establishing her own adult life. Aware of how the penny-pinching of my formative years affected me, I purposefully have chosen to do my best to avoid that with my own kids.

Beyond what my daughter thinks of her daddy and his desire and ability to provide, I wanted her to be able to transfer the best about her dad and apply it to Father-God. “Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything that I need!” As a “shepherd” to my daughter, I was motivated by compassion and a desire for her own well-being. How much greater does Father-God care.

We Christians talk quite a bit about letting God meet “all” of our needs. And we do mean well. The only problem with that is we have to admit we are needy people. We have to give up the fantasy of having any control over the wild beast of living and let go of the reins…entirely.

When Patti and I married we lived in what is now known as Silicon Valley. We rented a one-bedroom apartment for $150 a month. We were within a two hour drive of three major universities, dozens of corporate headquarters, shopping centers, tourist attractions and every type of restaurant you can imagine. For a culture hog like myself, it seemed like heaven.

But, a year into our marriage it seemed God was calling us elsewhere. We packed up all we had (it didn’t take more than a couple of hours), and headed to Oklahoma to help my dad with a small church in Sulphur. From that time on, except for a couple of years back near San Francisco, we have spent 35 year living in rural towns and pastoring country churches; not exactly the multi-cultural experience and metropolitan environment I enjoyed.

There were times I figured God would bring us back to the big city, after interning in those towns of less than 2,000 and churches smaller than some youth groups I led as a Youth Pastor. Now, nearly 60 and in rural Washington State, I believe the internship may take me clear to my Final retirement when I leave this world to be with Christ forever. Maybe this entire earthly life is the internship, and heaven is the big-time!

I kept waiting for God to “meet my needs”. As a poetry-writing, theater-loving artistic soul, I knew He wouldn’t leave me out in the prairies and rustic environs forever. I spent little time enjoying myself because I felt I didn’t fit in.

Now, finally, I am learning to enjoy being a city-boy-stuck-in-the-country. I am learning to not be embarrassed that I don’t fish or hunt and that I need someone to fillet the fish they bring me. I wasted so much time thinking I was going to “get what I wanted”, that I didn’t enjoy “being who I was”.

At 58 it feels awfully late in life to be learning this, but I think I am. I am starting to suspect that God knew what He was doing. I don’t know how to put it all into words yet, this acceptance of both “where I am” and “who I am”. But, just like my daughter didn’t want to have a flat tire and busted rim, it was in that time she learned she did not need to fret.

Father-God, I would still choose the big city, if You asked. But I am a simple sheep. I lose my direction easily. I am becoming more and more content that I don’t lack a thing and, with You, I have everything I need.