When My Heart is Weak

(“When my heart is weak, I cry out to you from the very ends of the earth. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I am.” Psalm 61:2)

A ship far out at sea, beyond sight of land and beyond all lines of communication encounters a storm of immense power with little provision or capacity to face the threat of sinking beneath the waves. This seems to be the way David describes the state of his heart. His heart is “weak”, or more literally, “overwhelmed”. He cries from the very ends of the earth. He is in the remote wilderness, far removed from help or supplies. His only hope is a rock “higher than I”; an island, a port in the storm, a lighthouse to guide him through the threatening wind and waves.

It is easy to become overwhelmed with life. One doesn’t have to face critical health or loss of employment to feel overwhelmed. A young teen encounters emotions and relationships on a new level and can feel overwhelmed with the rush of feelings washing over their mind. A young couple, thinking marriage is as romantic as a fairy tale soon is overwhelmed in learning how to live with another person full-time. Though committed, they may believe they are the only couple to ever endure the storms of human relationships. With perfectly pure expectations, they may quickly become disillusioned by the work it takes to keep love strong and alive.

College presents its own maze of disorienting classes, prerequisites, fees, books, tuition and roommates from hell. Jumping from a safe family into the uncertain waters of dorms, professors and career counseling, the student can certainly be overwhelmed. Careers may stop and start like the first used car we ever owned, sputtering into the world with all the excitement of a two month old puppy. But, if statistics hold true, that career may change numerous times over a lifetime. We become overwhelmed by the business of simply making a living.

Never mind the friendships that we hope will last forever that take a turn for the worse, sometimes never repaired. Never mind the children we raise who come with no direction manual, no off button and such a range of attitudes and affectations that we are surprised that both parents and child get out of the first eighteen years alive. Never mind our beautiful grandchildren who live so far away that they grow twice as fast as our own children. We measure our own age by the granddaughter who, graduating from high school, was just a toddler last Christmas. Soon we are overwhelmed by the thought that this will all be over one day.

Leave aside the cross words at a co-worker, the discouragement over missed opportunities, the rules for life that worked so well in our youth seem to have changed altogether. Leave aside the questions we ask from early childhood that still have so few answers. Why do mean people get all the attention? If God is real, wouldn’t he make it really, really clear? Why did so many people die in that hurricane? If turning the cheek is really the best way, why am I bruised so badly? And, please tell me why are the things I hate the most about myself are the things that never change?

Our hearts are weak. We do well to admit it. There is so much about life to embrace with joy and enthusiasm, but we mustn’t hide when the world stops making sense, the fun downhill run becomes a plodding uphill battle to place one foot in front of the other. We thank God for the wind in our face on the way down, and cry out to Him when the upward hike seems to rob every breath.

It is those times, feeling like we are at the ends of the earth, removed from all help, that we cry out to God. We do not ask for explanations for all of our confusion, we ask for strength to continue the journey He has prepared for us. We know the universe holds mystery after mystery, the intricacies of human relationships keep us alert with every conversation we have. We do not want to walk away from discovery, we don’t want to give up on relationships, we want to cry out, when we are overwhelmed and feel like castaways in our storm of uncertainty: “Lord, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I am!”

“Take me to the high place with You that is safe above the hubbub and the cyclones of my anguished heart, and let me rest and renew myself in the crevices where the storm cannot reach.”