He said What?

“Giving the right answer at the right time makes everyone happy.” Proverbs 15:23

Good conversation is truly an art. To be honest, as good a communicator as I can be when I’m “up front”, but me one on one with someone I don’t know well and I can sometimes clam up. I’ve always been that way. I even preferred double dating because it was so much easier to talk, not having to carry one whole side of the conversation.

The wisdom writer observed something that we all have experienced, though. He writes about the sweetness of hearing someone say just the right thing at just the right time. It might happen in a small group with one person sharing a personal need. Everyone chimes in offering advice, sharing their own experiences, or asking questions to move the conversation along.

Sheri was my best friend’s sister in high school. She and I were the same age, and it wouldn’t be completely dishonest to admit I had a crush on her. But, to be fair, so did almost every boy who met her. She was pretty, but not the “knock ‘em dead” sort. Sheri had just the right combination of happy good looks, an engaging personality, and wonderful talent. We all loved to hear her sing.

One night when we are all at a summer church camp, Sheri was sharing her troubles. Since I am nearly sixty now and that was so long ago, I can be excused if I forget the actual topic. But, taking a chance and saying it was about “boys” might get me close. We were out under the summer Sierra Nevada sky at dark, lying on our backs, talking. By the time we got to the fourth of fifth person with advice for Sheri the mood had turned quite serious.

For a moment in time Sheri’s problem was the center of the universe. (She didn’t make it that way, it is just who the conversation turned.) One would offer an opinion and another person would agree and add, “I get that. But what if you also tried this, Sheri?”. It was the sort of give and take that good friends have. No one argued that someone else’s opinion was stupid, nor tried to debate away another person’s solution. We were all invested in helping Sheri solve her problem, seriously invested.

The moment became the ground zero for us that night. All that existed was in that moment as we helped our distraught friend. I cannot tell you how long we talked; it could have been as long as an hour. But, with each minute that passed the mood became more and more solemn. Her brother David, the oldest of the bunch, hadn’t said much during the time. He usually was not shy about sharing his ideas, but said very little that night.

So, when he did speak, it broke the darkness, and we listened. David simply sat up, looked around at us in the dark and said, matter-of-factly, “I painted my other head green.” I hope I can convey what happened, but it may be a “you had to be there” moment. After his momentous announcement there was dead silence for a beat or two. And then the walls came crashing down. Our whole group laughed and laughed until we thought would burst! David’s nonsense phrase pierced our faux seriousness and pulled us back down to earth.

We went from deep philosophers with the world in our hands back to teens who simply liked hanging out together under the stars.

This isn’t much of a devotion, is it? I’ve told a story that, in telling, probably loses much of its punch. Yet, it is dear to me, and to David, and hopefully to Sheri. (I haven’t talked to her in years, so I have no idea.) It does occur to me, tough, that if that nonsense expression could stop a conversation cold, how much greater effect could words which, well thought out, are also expressed at just the right moment.

I guess I’m not offering any self-improvement methods as I reflect on this proverb. Proverbs are supposed to be pithy sayings that speak for themselves. So, to write 600 or so words to describe an 11 word proverb (in English, in the Contemporary English Version) is almost ludicrous.

I will be having breakfast with a handful of men from our church tomorrow morning. Sometimes we struggle over conversation. I think I’ll bring this proverb and see if we can talk about what it means to “give the right answer” at “just the right time.” Whatever we come up with, it is sure to be at least a bit more edifying than talk of the weather or whether the fish or biting. (Rain on Saturday, and the salmon aren’t running).