Forgiveness and Ache

Forgiveness and Ache

(“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you, too.” Matthew 6:14)

Forget the attempts to hold hostage the
outcomes by subterfuge (only slight lies and
trivial misdirection) and talk like you understand
no one deserves your heaven,
no one deserves your hell
and grace, mercy, forgiveness,
are treasures received,
stories we retell.

But you were a roper, and set the lasso over
every neck you expected unbending. I hoped to speak
with you unmounted
without the posse writing down each misgiving
you made me expound.

I must say I’ve dropped all my rocks
in a Canadian lake years ago. They nearly wore a
hole in my pocket,
bruised my thumb where
I knocked it
every time I reached in for a quarter or dime.

Your name (and the posse) was on each stone
launched alone early summer. I knew, though you used deception,
my intention was a fresh start. I knew mine had begun,
I hoped you received one too!

The rocks are there, the verdicts are clear,
as they left my hands they were meant to leave my heart,
but a scar does remain (I ruined my fame, it was my failure
we focused upon). So, though I am not white, I am not black
though I was left alone like basement mold in someone’s condemned
home with weeds.

No one deserves your hell, men,
no one your heaven,
and there are no ladders nor rungs
we’ve climbed skyward upon.
Put me to the test, apologize for the rest,
test me and see how quickly, how openly
I speak the words that reach across the anxieties
to truthfully confess I would rather see you free
than tied up by your stubbornness.