Pour it Out

“But Hannah answered, ‘No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have not drunk wine or strong drink, but I was pouring out my soul to the Lord.’” 1 Samuel 1:15

There is pain and desire so deep in the human heart that words fail in expressing the anguish. I have friends whose two-year-old son has just been diagnosed with Leukemia. This just a month after being married and the same day as the transmission went out in their car. What can they say that adequately describes their state of heart?

Sometimes we have repeated the story so often to caring inquiries that we almost recap by rote the details we have told 100 times before. We tell the story over and over and, though we still are torn up within, our description can sound like mere facts; a news report rehearsing each detail as we have experienced it.

If we were to open the floodgates of emotion each time we told our story, we would soon have emptied ourselves to the extent that a single wind would send us flittering away like a dry leaf. We dam up the flood so that we can keep some semblance of restraint and sanity. We do this for a number of reasons; we do not want to lose control, we are afraid what would happen if we released all that emotion in someone else’s presence, or we feel we must stay strong for the sake of others.

It is important, though, that those emotions are expressed. That is why a few close and trusted friends are such a boon to us when life seems to be imploding like a skyscraper set for demolition. We need those who do not care whether we cry, yell, stomp, curse or stay silent.

For all the therapy close friends provide, they cannot touch the deepest reaches of our heart. Hannah desperately wanted children. Her husband had two wives, and her rival had already provided children to their husband Elkanah. So, she taunted Hannah to the point of making Hannah believe she was under God’s curse because she had borne no children.

Now, late in life and past the time of child-bearing, she let all that hurt and emotion out in prayer at the house of the Lord. She prayed silently for a long time. Her lips were moving even though she actually said nothing at all. Her anguish was so deep and her desire for God so great that she became lost in the moment, not aware of how she appeared or sounded. It was that moment when the person’s soul is aware of nothing else but their need and God’s presence.

Eli the priest thought she was drunk and walked over to reprimand her! I don’t know if this is a commentary on how shallow religious life had become, but she most have been shocked have come to pour her heart out to God only to be accused by the priest of being drunk! She tells him that she has been praying this whole time, telling God about her problems.

Eli sends her home and tells her not to worry, that God will certainly answer her prayer. She left, and after eating something, felt much better. Later God does answer her prayer, and she gives birth to Samuel, the first “prophet” in the Old Testament.

What was the last time that you poured your heart out so much that someone might come along and wonder what was going on? Although God could care less how loud, how quiet, how many words or what physical position you take in prayer, He does look for us to empty our hearts when we come to Him.

Isn’t that what happens when we “pour out” something? Go to Him with every care, holding nothing back. Angry over being mistreated? Let God know! Feeling like you are getting nowhere with the dreams and aspirations of your life? Pour it out to God! Confused that abusers seem to prosper while the kind and gentle are left behind in the arena of justice and fairness? Empty your heart. Let the pain and anguish spill out like the flash floods bursting along the desert floor. There is no healing in holding it in. And, to pour it out to God Himself, allows Him to replace your travail and tears with the confident peace of knowing He has personally heard our cry.

Don’t be afraid to let all of it out. Whether puzzled because of a long-term illness without answers, life taking a nasty u-turn backwards, or the hurtful taunts of those who think they need to put you in your place, pours it out completely to the Lord. He never, ever tires of His children coming to Him.

Let it all out, pour it out, let the tears flow, let the soundless words find their mark, though misunderstood by the outside observer. Never doubt the compassion, the empathy, the desire of God to respond to the hurts and anguish of those He loves.