Today Tumbled In

Today Tumbled In

(Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. 4:10)

Today tumbled in, a set of dice determined my mood.
The sun is out late afternoon
dissolving the marine layer in its
yellow embrace.
But the roll of the dice told me
the pain was beyond bearable,
I put it all on the table
and wept the day away.

There are fault-lines you cannot see,
cracks that do not show
and I am tired of being strong when
I’m only leftover rain and a hurricane
quickly running out of courage.
Maybe I am blind.

Life is full of philosophy
until an unlucky family
deals with sudden death
and fatal illnesses.
Maybe I am shaken.

It baffles me,
maybe I mean only half of what I say,
and maybe I see less of what surrounds me.
Why do I wave friendly at neighbors
when the tears flowed just a moment before?

Today tumbled in; night will steal the mood,
replacing it with dreamscapes of fear or pleasure.
These are the days that I give up believing;
my opinions never changed the time of a single sunset.

I am old and life frightens me but occasionally
amuses me. Most often I let another well-constructed
syllogism fall on its face and other bodily unfunctions.

I am not strong. I am not certain.
I am only one late in life person
who hopes these days that seem so remote
from human connection
will not be the gamble they seem to be.

Tomorrow will tumble again. Know me, please,
God of numbers and ABCs, of
wisdom and idiosyncrasies
better than the crumpled pages
I have written upon.

Bee Sweet

Bee Sweet

(“May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord.” Psalm 104:34)

Bees see in the ultraviolet spectrum, humans see,
well, what we can see.
A bee sees the world, the same world we see,
but given human eyes, the world becomes disguised
from its apian landscapes. Given a pair of
bee-sunglasses
I would swear the world was no longer the world,
and earth a misplaced chapter from Lewis Carroll.

I post my pain, maybe too often for your particular taste;
but, capture the radio waves that dance inside; outside, somewhere;
everywhere; within; without you…for a moment grasp the crackling
orb
and let the buzz from my own brain overtake your singular view;
your front window on most day. So, before you sneak an unwelcome
peek
into my head,
next time,
think ahead and consider how sweetly apologies
clear the air from the damage we do in each others’ gardens:
bees or human, the world itself yet is one.

Better Vision

Better Vision

“Your eyes are the lamp for your body. When your eyes are good, you have all the light you need. But when your eyes are bad, everything is dark.” Luke 11:34

I usually sat somewhere in the middle of class. That way I wasn’t in front where the teacher would always call on me for answers, or see my museum-worthy doodles on my worksheet. And, I wasn’t in the back where most of the trouble-makers sat. I wasn’t stupid, even as a junior high student. I knew teachers had seating assignment ESP, and they knew exactly what sort of student you were by which desk you chose.