I Am No Longer Parallel

I Am No Longer Parallel

(“This is why he can completely save those who are approaching God through him, because he always lives to speak with God for them.” Hebrews 7:25)

I’ll outwait the heat wave,
I’ll watch for the message that comes straight from your hand.
I’ll hear little that makes me understand these days,
the way the world teeters and totters these days.
I’ll send you my words on the page so there can
be no mistake about what I am trying to say.
I’ll circle the wagons,
I’ll circle the tags and pricelists until we come
to an agreement. All answers will be in the
range of the standard deviation.

I use my poetry to hide my intent.
I write these verses to disguise the signals I sent.
I read your messages and have to fill in the blanks.
My words are the words between your sentences, even
though
we both lose a little meaning this way.
I’ve uncovered my heart, please let me see yours.
I’m missing a few crucial ingredients to finish the
recipe I hoped would satisfy me completely. I’m not entirely sure
what it is I am hungry for.

I used to know how to pray, or at least the words to say
kneeling under a pew that would include tears I held in
before mere mortals. I used to know the escape routes,
the roads that took me insanely close to the edges of my mind.

Now I want to say it all without metaphor. I want to say
I think I never knew anything I once believed. Will that
still save me? Will that make the dying delayed? I do not
mean to frighten you with my words. That is why I use
simile and parable. But here it is: I am no longer parallel,
I’m at odds with myself and I have no idea the destination
at the end of the day. Perhaps I’ll keep on writing until I
run out of words to say.