The Gods We Invented

The Gods We Invented

(“People who try to save their lives will lose them, and those who lose their lives will save them.” Luke 17:33)

Everybody wants a new slate,
Everybody wants their past erased,
Nobody wants to leave it blank,
Nobody wants to be unsafe.

This is where we find ourselves,
or lose our faith,
or find the earth between our toes again.

This is where we lose ourselves,
or find the truth,
or lose our place in the galaxy.

It is torture to believe so doubtless,
every objection must be answered,
every opinion cast in stone.
We write it in permanent ink,
but alone with just our heart beat and
our brain waves
we admit we pray too often because
we want the magic again.

And while you prayed for me, I still suffered,
while you argued with me, my pain increased.
While you pressed the issue, the pressure increased.
Your arguments and anecdotes provided no relief.

And while I prayed for you, you still hungered,
while I counseled with you, your tears still flowed.
While I missed the signals, the stigma remained.
My good advice and attention proved less than you hoped.

I am less confident; and less confined.
I memorized all the evidence; but not the mystic.
I am still hurting, still have scars, still have unanswered prayers,
and still am lonely beyond description.
But now no one will argue my faith is at fault,
for my faith no longer belongs to me, my faith has
been erased. I do not mind starting over, I have nothing
left to prove.

Everybody wants greater love,
Everybody wants their past ignored,
Nobody wants their life erased,
Nobody wants to be unsafe.

To begin again we must destroy the gods we invented,
and find a new reckoning in the kingdom of the forgiven.