Utter Nonsense

Utter Nonsense

(“The Jewish leaders still refused to believe the man had been blind and could now see, so they called in his parents.” John 9:18)

Believe me, every day I search for the opening,
the escape from mangled dreaming into the open sun,
the disinfected fabric of a t-shirt on the line.

I ache in the morning, pain and reaching,
I am muddled until noon, (is there a letter in the mail?)
I limp into the afternoon and evening cannot come too soon.

I hope there is a knock at the door, a friend, a smile, or
more honestly,
a payment for the time I’ve spent, failing more than trying,
looking into lost eyes and seeing the life inside.

Trust me, every night I sleep and hope
the dreams will be ladders of heaven
instead of escalators into the past.
My filing system is busted, my friends who I trusted
appear bringing letters of approval, and sometimes
alphabets of fear. I can no longer find the notes for
public readings, music for psalms and singing.
I’m late for every meeting and it shows when I bring
suggestions no one understands. Do I speak in tongues?
Have I lost my mind? Is my age that telling? Did I leave
my thesaurus behind?

Who knew that a vacuum could be so dense;
empty be so full of such utter nonsense?

So, I gaze into the blank, the blackness, staring at the door,
wondering if anyone visits the lonesome anymore. Here’s
my
unspoken blindness. Now shine on my day like
kids walking home after school.