Of Rivers, Dreams, and Kisses

Of Rivers, Dreams, and Kisses

“If a person believes in me, rivers of living water will flow out from his heart. This is what the Scripture says.” John 7:38

I have lived along two large rivers in my life; the Columbia and the Missouri. Rivers are almost always evocative of life. Below the surface are fish in abundance. Even when the Missouri freezes over in the North Country people drill holes in the ice and fish for Northern Pike and Walleye.

I prefer smaller rivers like the Elochoman that feeds into the Columbia from the surrounding hills in Southwest Washington. As it winds its way through the twists and turns of hills and valleys the water is clear and cold. This is where many go to fish for salmon or steelhead. During the summer another kind of life splashes in the inviting coolness. Wages’ swimming hole, a slow wide spot in the river, is a favorite place for teenagers and families with children to swim, play and splash.

Jesus promised life to all who believed in Him. In this passage He describes it as “rivers of living water.” “Living water” was usually a term used to mean a spring as opposed to a river or stream. The water bubbled up from the rocks below; clean and fresh. Springs are not as dependent on the vagaries of weather, many still running even during drought.

Jesus uses a spring to describe the life we experience as we trust in Him. But notice, the source is not from Him to us. The spring flows out of our own hearts! This is remarkable, and I think, sometimes overlooked. As a pastor I have watched so many Christians seek an experience with God by attending conferences, leaving one church for another, insisting on a certain worship format, or, well, add your own. The point is, we often look to something outside ourselves for our experience with God.

Instead, Jesus says the experience is within our own hearts! In fact, in verse 39 John says that “Jesus was talking about the Holy Spirit.” The moment you trust Jesus, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell in you and is as reliably available as a spring of living water.

If you are trusting Jesus now, that spring of water, namely, the Spirit herself, is already springing up within your being.

Note: (I shall be using the feminine for Spirit in this article. The Hebrew word for “spirit” is grammatically feminine and much of the Early Church, especially the early Syriac liturgies, referred to the Holy Spirit as feminine. Of course, God is neither male nor female, but in light of the Father/Son usage, which are male, I think it good to speak of the Spirit as female.)

What does it mean for us that the Holy Spirit is bubbling up from within our hearts like a spring? What especially does it mean when we are sensing nothing spiritual in our lives at all? How do we experience this “living water” when we feel dead inside from so many reasons? We may be going through a time of separation and loss from loved ones. We may be grieving the death of a dear friend. Chronic illness or constant poverty may occupy our minds day in and day out. Given those challenges, even the most faithful of us find ourselves seemingly disconnected from God.

But, if we stay the course, keeping our minds centered on Jesus, even when every nook and cranny of our being aches with sorrow, pain or loneliness, in time, we may find that living water bubbling to the surface again.

I am not one given to “spiritual” dreams. Mine are usually quite ordinary, and some are the type I prefer not to share. That makes me human, I think. But recently, in the middle of the most difficult struggle of my life, when I have felt God fled the country and left me behind to fend on my own, I had a dream; one with great significance. I had a dream that I believe was watered by the spring of the Holy Spirit within.

First, some background. I pastored an Assembly of God church in Harvey, N.D. The original building was tiny, perhaps holding 50 in the sanctuary, and was on a postage stamp of a lot. There was not parking and very little space for fellowship. We were looking for both a place and a way to erect a new building.

Eventually we did exactly that. The city “sold” us some acreage on the edge of town for one dollar. Hoping to spur development there, they offered us a prime piece of property. Over two summers, spanning about 18 months, members of the congregation and volunteers from all over the country came to help us build the new site for Harvey Assembly of God.

I had no experience in construction at all and was quite apprehensive about the project. But God gifted us with two men who had construction backgrounds, and they oversaw the work. We held our first service in the fall of 2005.

In 2007 I accepted the pastorate of a church in Washington state, and served there for almost 12 years before I was forced to retire due to health reasons. Patti and I now live with my sister near Dallas, Tex. It has been an extremely painful transition for me.

We have been here about six months now and I sunk into the deepest depression I have known a couple of weeks ago. Everything seemed desperate, God seemed absent, prayer was agony, and tears flowed daily. I continue to be in constant physical pain, but now I was suffering deep inside my heart. I felt that God had cornered me, then walked out the door and left me behind in a locked cell.

It was during this time that I had the dream.

I was back in North Dakota and entered the glass doors of the church we built in Harvey. Yet, upon entering the building I was immediately outside. It still felt like "church", but the entrance led to an outdoors scene rather than walls and a ceiling.

The doors faded behind me and above me was a dusky sky, blue-gray and murky; the kind of beauty that only occurs just before dark. Stars were slowly becoming visible and a few clouds were commas floating above us. I looked up and out at the horizon and said, "I forgot how beautiful the North Dakota sky is."

Then someone beside me said, "Yes, but look," and immediately in front of me was a craggy mountain rising out of the earth. It was as steep in its ascent as the Grand Canyon is deep. The mountain, earth and sky felt as one.

That was it, that was the dream. This little building project is one of my proudest moments, but it also was accompanied by some of my biggest failures. That is important for the reader to know. At the end of the dream I was in awe; total wonder.

For me, the Spirit was saying, “You worked for Me, and I am still working. I was always working.” But She also was saying, “And, I know the sort of sanctuary you deeply desire. I know your love for beauty, your love for the people you ministered to, and your aching heart. Here, for a moment, I shall give you the sanctuary your desire.”

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not suddenly “all better”. I’ve even cried today. And maybe the Spirit will bubble up through another dream, or maybe she will bubble up through another person like She did this Sunday.

I hadn’t been to church in 10 weeks because of my constant pain. I finally awoke well enough to shower and get ready this week. Our church is a small gathering of around a dozen people. There is one dear couple, a black man and his wife who are about 10 years younger than I am. They are both quite tall and very engaging. We’ve struck up as much of a friendship as possible with seeing each other an hour every 4 or 5 weeks.

As soon as I walked in, the husband buried me in a huge bear hug, laughed and said how much he had missed me, then (I am not lying), he kissed me on the cheek. I have never been kissed by a man in church before. And, besides my wife, I think, I have never enjoyed a kiss more. The best word to describe him is effusive. He did quickly say, “I hope it was alright to kiss you.” I’m giggling as I write.

The Holy Spirit bubbled up right from his heart, wrapped me in a hug and gave me a kiss! I don’t know about you, but I think it’s about time we start letting a little of that living water flow. I now I need it, how about you?