Family DNA

“’But he said to them, ‘These people who hear the word of God and do it, they are my mother and my brothers.'” Luke 8:21

These words of Jesus are shocking. But I think the shock comes from how they sound, and not so much from what Jesus means. At first glance it seems Jesus is rejecting His family by blood and adopting family from an entirely different set of people.

Jesus has been on the road teaching for a while. Perhaps he hadn’t checked in with Mom and Dad in a long time. Our son is in Guatemala right now with the Peace Corps. If he didn’t keep up communication with us, and we had the means, there is no doubt we would fly there to discover how he was doing. Even moreso if we had received reports that he was acting strangely. Poor Mary and Jesus’ brothers had heard that Jesus might be out of His mind.

So, with the same intensity I would have about checking out my son’s welfare, they hurry to find Him. The crowd He is teaching are so dense, they cannot get to Him. Finally someone finds his way to Jesus with the message that His mother and brothers were outside and wanted to talk to Him.

That is when Jesus says that the people who hear and do God’s word, they are His mother and brothers. Jesus’ reply is even harsher in the other gospel accounts. But, we know He did not reject His family in any way. As He suffered on the cross, the pain electrocuting each nerve as He approached death, He said to the his disciple, “John, here is your mother.” And to Mary, “Mother, here is your son.” His heartfelt concern for his mother’s welfare leaves no doubt about His love for His nuclear family.

The shock of the statement wakes us to something so human, so deeply true about all of us, that we sometimes find it difficult to express. Though we all have a family of some sort, everyone longs for something deeper. Of course, that is especially true for those who were brought up in highly dysfunctional or abusive homes. But, because everyone of us are sinners, every family has deep flaws running through it that yearn for wholeness.

So Jesus offers a new kind of family, a relationship based on something different than blood and DNA. He suggest a family based upon hearing and doing God’s word. Just this afternoon I visited with a dad who has two children and a beautiful wife. Their marriage, like most of our marriages, has its cracks that leave each other feeling vulnerable at times. He told me, “I wonder sometimes if I have any friends.”

He is not an outcast, new to a community. He is not someone lost in the cloud of a chaotic metropolis. No, he is a good, average young man who has lived in the same small community nearly all his life. Though, like many of us, he has his share of mistakes, I know for a fact he has friends.

I understand his cry. Some of my readers know this, but I am visited quite often by a dark and ugly friend named Depression. I have always been the lonely sort. I remember sitting in a corner at a retreat as a young teenager. There were a couple dozen people there, all of them friends, or at least acquaintances. And I wrote on my jeans (yes, mom, that was me who marked up those Levis!), “How can I feel so lonely when I’m not really alone?” At the time I figured I had stumbled onto some novel concept. Most young adolescents feel they have invented at least one new experience during their teenage tenure.

When my dark friend visits, I swear I cannot count a single friend. Or at least not one close by. The truth is, even though I have lived in my present locale only about five years, there are probably a half dozen men who, if I called them up, would come running if I told them I needed them. It’s that idiot friend who is trying to fool my mind into thinking I am friendless.

Both of these speak to me about how deeply we need relationships. Watch people at a bar and you may see more real human sharing than you ever see at many churches. Yes, I grant that there are few bar fights at church, but I have seen some pretty ugly gossip fests there! The point is that our churches sometimes are the last place we express our deepest need for friendship. And, it is often unconducive to making those friends even if we acknowledge our own need.

Jesus did not say we could be His family if we acted right. That is what most people think He means by telling us to hear and do God’s word. Though hearing and doing what God wants certainly will affect our actions, Jesus is speaking about something deeper and more honest than ticking off behavior points so we can visit the next Jesus’ family reunion.

Hearing God’s word and doing it requires something so simple that we often miss it. It requires honesty. Then ones who weren’t  hearing and doing God’s word were the religious dudes. Honestly! They thought they had it together, carried around their God to-do lists, and checked off not only their own tasks, but other people’s as well.

Jesus wants us to be a family who are honest about our attempts to live out what God says. I am tired of seeing people simply attend church a couple of times a month and calling it “the family of God”. I long so much for people who can disucss what it really means to hear God. I want to learn, not to lay down the law that some preacher taught me 20 years ago and which I’ve never taken a second look at.

Does Jesus see us hearing and putting His word into practice. Or does He see us fulfilling our obligations and then going on just like everyone else. I am NOT talking about “sins”. I’m talking about commitment, openness, wholeness, healing; all the things that happen when families hang out together and tell each other the truth.

You know the family vibe, right? I mean the good, hard work of being family. Forgiveness. Acceptance. Generosity. Understanding. Laughter. Tears. Face-to-Face communication. Picnics. (I threw that last one in to see if you were still reading). Families are messy, sometimes hurtful, and the place where we get on each other’s nerves really well.

But, it is also the place we experience the deepest level of affection this earth has to offer. That’s what Jesus is saying to us, only He ups the ante to something more than earthly family. He wants us to experience the enriched love that honest and humble sinners experience when they live like forgiveness is the best dish on the table.