Lectures Never Worked

Lectures Never Worked

(“In your love, listen to me; in your justice, God, keep me alive.” Psalm 119:149 [The Message])

Until then I’ll walk like the
sun shines for you, and I’ll work on a
mystery while I think my time away.
Alone today.

It’s a long way home from here.
It’s a silent walk from here.
It’s a frozen planet of tears,
it’s a burning redrock canyon,
a lonely monologue while people play
war games and blame it all on the
bible.

I never planned to be lonely. And my
phone only rings
when someone wants my money.
I don’t know if that’s true. I haven’t checked my
messages since 2022. Anyway,
I’ve been too hard on myself. I repeat myself,
with lectures that never worked from then till now.

And then a deep pivot that tore up the turf,
the phone rang, and I imagined the circles of the sun
growing lawns and treetops where the
mourning doves cooed the way that only
lovers do.

Somewhere in the middle of me
the smile of a baby
reminded me that kingdoms can be as
small as they are tall.

One thing you should know about me now;
I can watch the wind lift the leaves, one
by
one,
in the autumn haze,
and not feel like I’ve wasted my day.