Caught in a Maze

Caught in a Maze

(“I said, ‘My foot is slipping.’ But Lord, your faithful love kept me from falling.” Psalm 94:18)

They say labyrinths are spiritual,
but I’ve been caught in a maze without sky or earth
to guide to the center or to the exit.
They say cathedrals are inspiring,
but I’ve heard enough chatter to shake my bottled pain.
They say nature is a sanctuary,
but recently I can only take it a moment at a time.

This ledge cuts my feet, the stones are sharper than politicians,
the moss coats me like unwelcome twine, and the ravens circle
wasting my time.

What was the point of befriending so many
when they will not come find me in the maze?
What was the purpose of days spent together
when they now have so little to say?

Today that includes yUo, gOd. And I know
I’ve made and idol of You, a perfect answer to the questions
I’ve hurled over the cliff for decades without answer.

And I always blamed myself.

What if it is yUo to blame? What if it is true yUo never answered,
because yUo never existed?

They say music is healing,
but I’ve lost my audience and I’m my worst critic.
They say pets are soothing,
but they die.
They say relationships are god-sent,
and I believe that,
but I am never filled.

Because I am on the ledge, do not assume I’m jumping,
Because I am caught in the maze, do not assume I am lost.
Because I cry every day, do not assume anything about me.
Because I ache, I ache, please, oh please, do not stay away.

And the questions tossed over the cliff? Do I think myself divine
that I should know the answer to everything?

So hidden, I cannot know You. So close, I cannot see you.
So transparent, I cannot miss You. So strong, I can only love You.