But God Knows

But God Knows

“But He knows the way that I take. When He has tried me, I will come out as gold.” Job 23:11

I hate losing things, especially something valuable or irreplaceable. I have carried a picture of my wife in my wallet for over 40 years. It is her senior picture. The edges are well-worn, but the beauty in that photo never fades. Several years ago we made a road trip from North Dakota to New York State to visit our son and daughter-in-law who were attending university at Binghamton. Within a day of arriving I could not find my wallet anywhere. I won’t go into details, but we scoured the car, our clothes and everywhere we could think, and found nothing.

Then I remember that just as we entered the Turnpike we had stopped at a Truck Stop. Buying gas and drinks, I had paid with my credit card. Quickly we scoured the internet to find the phone number and called. Yes indeed, they had my wallet! I had left it on the cashier’s counter, and they would hold it for me so we could pick it up a week later on our way home.

I did not like the idea of losing any cash, replacing my driver’s license, or stopping credit card accounts. But I particularly hated the thought that Patti’s senior picture might be gone forever. We thanked the gracious cashier when we drove back through, and gave him a generous tip as well.

Job had lost a great deal more than a mere photo; he had lost his entire family except for his wife. His livelihood was taken away, his barns burned down, and he was desperately ill with sores that covered his entire body. His wife famously asks him, “Do you still hold on to your faith? Curse God and die!”

Though Job did not curse God, he cursed the day of his birth several times. His suffering is honest, up-front, excruciating, and yet there is a foundation of trust in God that seems to consistently peek through his most anguished cries.

Beyond the grief of losing his children and the constant physical pain, Job feels he is receiving no comfort from God. Indeed, he wonders where he can find God. He complains that he has looked to the east and west and cannot see Him. Turning left or right, He simply is not found. Job would at least find some satisfaction in the assurance that God is present with him.

He aches for God to be His defender, especially since his “friends” have turned from supportive to acting like special prosecutors. They reason that no good person would ever have to suffer like Job is suffering. God would never allow a righteous person to have to endure such tribulation and pain. Eventually they go from philosophical reasoning to attacking Job himself, saying “Have you not done much wrong and your sins have no end?” (Job 22:5) They accuse him of stealing from the poor, refusing food from the hungry and using his power to even harm widows. (Sort of reminds me how “men of God” have attributed catastrophes to some particular sin of the devastated community or nation.)

But, at the bottom of it all, Job knows something. He may not be able to find God, but God knows him; or more specifically, God “knows the way that I take.” In a chapter filled with complaint and despair, he finds one sliver of precious hope: “God knows where to find me!” God…knows!

This is hard for me to write because, as some of you know, I have endured a constant headache for over eight years now. No, not many headaches; one long eight-year headache. There are days I do not want to get out of bed. And yet, I have no choice. I must provide for my family. I am fortunate to be a pastor of a very understanding church. Although my leadership knows I am probably putting in half the hours I did when I was healthy, they insist I stay. (If I left, what other church would take a 61-year-old headache ridden person as their pastor, anyway?)

But, on the days when the pain slices through my forehead just above one eye or the other, I often cry out, “What do you want from me, God?” We have prayed for healing. And the pain only digs in deeper. In the midst of it all, the biggest question is the one Job asked, “Where are you, God?”

Today I hope I can echo Job’s hope, that God knows where I am. Of course He does. He wouldn’t be God otherwise, right? But the person who suffers doesn’t want propositional truths, they want care. That’s why God’s seeming absence is so upsetting to Job. “When I need you most, You start playing hide-and-seek? What kind of God does that?”

That God knows the way Job takes is not the complete solution, though. In between the groans of agony and sighs of desperation, he utters a single line that is more true than he knows. “When He has tried me, I shall come out as gold.” In one sentence, he understands two things. Even though he is suffering, God is in the suffering. “When He has tried me.” And, because God is in the suffering, there will be a promised result. “I shall come out as gold.”

In your and my suffering perhaps we can take this two thoughts to our own hearts. I have no idea why God allows my pain to remain. But there is suffering in the world far worse than mine. We are near the celebration of Christmas. If Jesus in the manger suggests anything, it is that God is intent upon entering into the world as it is. And, He enters into our lives as they are!

If we allow, God will turn our trials to gold. I do not know if I will be healed in this life or not. I cannot fathom another 15 to 20 years with this headache. But, though I argue with God, though I weep that I cannot do more, though I grieve that my once active life is now greatly reduced, I have to believe that God is making gold out of my pain. And He is doing the same in your suffering as well.

Suffer honestly, like Job. Don’t pretend, or put on a Christian front. Suffering, not matter the kind, will always be a mix of confused anger and persevering trust. Like Job, let the trust bubble up from within the hurt. Remember, God…knows.