You Only Look at Me

“I cry out to you, but you do not answer me; I stand up, and you only look at me.” Job 30:20

Recently a good friend of my passed away unexpectedly. He had heart problems, but no one had pronounced an end date. As far as he and his family knew, he had a few, maybe many, good years ahead of him. Alan was the director of a drama ministry and we had invited him to bring a Christmas-themed production to our little church here in Southwest Washington.

We had spoken on the phone, making some of the usual arrangements, and I was looking forward to seeing him within a couple of months. Instead, within a couple of days I received a notice from his dear wife that he had passed away. Though I thankfully still have my wife alive with me, my mother died completely unexpectedly, and I know the shock of emotion that can bring.

People are ready with good advice when they encounter other peoples’ grief and suffering. I should italicize “good”, I suppose. Among the instructions Alan’s widow has received, within days of his passing, was this: “Make sure you don’t give in to blaming God for this.”

We are so smart when it comes to God, aren’t we? And we are even smarter when it comes to someone else’s relationship with Him! We know exactly how that person should dael with their grief. We can give sage advice to the person suffering chronic pain. It has nothing to do with whether we have gone through the same thing or not. People who have suffered are just as tempted to display their wisdom to another one in need.

Recently, while a small group was praying, one person led out this way, “Father, we know it is not your will for anyone to suffer, so take this thing away now.” The “thing” was a person’s long-term chronic pain that had hung on for years. The prayer was good-hearted, the theology was poisonous.

Imagine being someone with chronic pain, having suffered for countless years. Those who read my writings know that I have suffered constant headache pain, “New Daily Persistent Headache” (NDPH), for over six years. There is no cure, no understanding of its cause, and very little help in reducing the pain. Must sufferers have headache pain 24/7 without a moment of relief.

That is why I am so grateful for the book of Job. Here, after listening to the theological poison of his “friends”, Job vents to God…to God! Stand back people, this man is in a heap of trouble. “You don’t answer me,” he says. “I stand up (as if to show himself to God better), and you only look at me.” He says “you have been cruel to me, you attack me, you toss me about in the storm.”

Please, next time you want to pray for or advice someone in grief, read the entire book of Job first. # 1, it will keep you quiet for a few days, #2, it may give you better insight into what God accepts and doesn’t accept. Never forget, Jesus, God’s own Son suffered. And, when He suffered, He asked to be delivered from the task, if it was possible. And, crying out from the cross, He says, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” The Savior sounds like Job, doesn’t He?

Yes, I know the “Atonement” theory that says that in that moment Jesus had all the sins of the world placed upon him, and therefore, Father God had to disfellowship Himself from His Son at that moment. First of all, that is never spelled out in Scripture, not the part where God separates Himself from His Son. Second, if the theory is true, then God actually was gone. Jesus knew the closeness of His Father and mentions it over and over in the gospels.

Furthermore, we are never given promises that we will not suffer. Hebrews 12 tells us that many Christians do, indeed, suffer, and they suffer because they are God’s children. The pain we sometimes feel is the discipline of a loving Heavenly Father. Just like a good coach moving you just further than you think the pain will allow, Father God coaches us through pain.

Those couple of paragraphs are not meant as proof texts, nor an explanation of the eternal mystery of a good God and suffering. What I do want you to know is that you can let out whatever is in your heart. Job was called “blameless” before all his suffering began. God never chews him out for saying, “You didn’t answer me,” and so on.

At the end, Job does admit He didn’t know the first thing about God before the suffering began; a good confession we should all begin with. Give those who suffer the sacred space to spill their pain before the God who understands suffering. Allow people their agony; let them give full vent to their grief. If God can’t handle my anger when it seems my world has become all screwed up, then He isn’t a very big God at all.

Oh, and please, please, please, do not think your suffering is the result of some misdeed. Or, that you should be exempt from suffering because you have been so good. Job said, “Have I not wept for the unfortunate? Was not my soul grieved for the poor? But when I hoped for good, trouble came; when I expected light, then darkness came.” Job 30:25,26

Please don’t hold in your hurt because you think God will punish you. And, please don’t believe that, since “God doesn’t want anyone to suffer”, that you, therefore, are out of God’s will because you are suffering. Entrust yourself into the Father’s hands, even when it seems those hands do not even exist.