Trusting in the Shadow

Trusting in the Shadow

“But I keep praying to you, Lord, hoping this time you will show me favor. In your unfailing love, O God, answer my prayer with your sure salvation.” Psalm 69:13

A university student was seen with a large "K" printed on his T- shirt. When someone asked him what the "K" stood for, he said, "Confused." "But," the questioner replied, "you don't spell "confused" with a "K." The student answered, "You don't know how confused I am."

Yes, sometimes life offers many more questions than answers. It would seem reasonable that followers of Jesus should have a somewhat better time of the whole confusion issue. Jesus Himself dwells within the lives of those who trust Him, we have the promise of answered prayer, and we have the assurance of His unfailing love. Life should be a piece of cake; angel food cake.

From the outside it may appear that many believers never have a question or difficult time at all. Having lost a job and having few prospect for another, some will reply, “I’m not worried, after all, God has it all under control.” Or, struggling to overcome some overwhelming personal issue they insist that “all is well.” They shake your hand and keep the smile pasted tightly to their face until you turn around.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of times when God fills a person with such overwhelming peace that they couldn’t fret if they tried! And, in some way, I suppose that is what the “normal” Christian life should be. In my experience, there are few that who live with perfect clarity, never doubting and always waking to well-lit mornings void of questions of any kind. In my own life I have faced extraordinary challenges with a great amount of peace which could only be from God. But, there are also many times when I am ready to throw in the towel.

The Psalmist says, “But I keep praying to you, Lord”. He is exhausted from crying for help; his throat is parched. His eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for his God to help him. (vss. 3,4) David, the man after God’s own heart, is exhausted both physically and emotionally. If you were to ask how he was doing, he might say, “God is in control”, but I don’t think that is all he would say. Can you hear this man? “But, I’m worn out. I don’t know why God hasn’t responded. Where is He when I need Him?”

He is further ashamed because of his own failures. He tells God his sins cannot be hidden. He aches at the thought that his own failures may have caused someone else to also be ashamed. As a well-known leader, it breaks his heart to consider the effect his failings have on those who look to him for guidance. I am sure David wrestled with whatever sin has betrayed him, wishing he had obeyed and relied on God’s strength! He might even, under his breath, wonder, “And Lord, why did you not keep me from failing?” We have all wondered the same, even when acknowledging we are fully responsible for our own behavior.

He feels isolated and alone. His enemies have used his failure as an opportunity to avoid him. “He is the leader of Israel”, they may be thinking. “What a hypocrite! I will not dignify his failures by being seen supporting him!” Even his own brothers pretended they didn’t know him, treating him like a stranger. But David is no hypocrite. His failure pains him like a kick in the gut. He has wept and fasted, dressed in burlap to show his sorrow, yet they continue to insult, scoff and make fun of him. He feels like an island far from any inhabited shore. He feels rejected by his friends and abandoned by his family. Worst of all, he wonders if God has also turned his back.

But David knows one thing about His Master; He is full of lovingkindness. In the midst of confusion He keeps on praying. Hearing only fog horns as an answer, He still hopes God will show him favor. He waits with the patience of one who knows the meeting of human and the divine. Though he feels alone, forsaken and lost, he will not let go of the One whose Hands reach through the fog invisibly. Though all seems confusion and shadow, the ember of hope still burns as he trusts in the dark.