You Had Little Choice

You Had Little Choice

(“For this is the word of promise, “At this time I will come, and Sarah shall have a son.” Romans 9:9)

This cannot make up for the promises I made;
I always hope to be better, to play the scales more carefully,
to walk the log across the stream more cautiously.
I probably should have stood up for myself when
seated in front of a dozen accusers trying to get to
the bottom of my offense.
I never defended the charges, never insisted I was
innocent.
But I lived with a crowd of people pushing my pedigree
like they were judges waiting for my next indecent apology.

There is no one to blame but myself. My only wish would
have been for a phone call now and then, not to catch me
in a verbal twist of fate, but to prove there was grace when
I was convinced there was none.

Sometimes babies are born by accident; sometimes they
come like blurry little hailstorm. Some come right on time
and some drag their feet when entering this world.

Sometimes children hide in plain sight, thinking they
are invisible. Sometimes adults shroud their intentions thinking
their privilege projects their intentional interrogation that
sucks all the faith from the room.

You cannot stop the coming nativity,
you cannot prevent the child that is to come.
There is preventing the birth that accompanies
the dawn.

After the pledges come the completion.
The acceptance following the words pregnant
with promises. There are no more words to surround
your preoccupation with squeezing the souls of miscreants
like sweltering lemons in the sun.

You had little choice; we all know that. You had fewer
options than we understood. And yet, and yet,
even the sinners can be cured by a word, or maybe two,
about babies that carry on the unfinished consequences
created by God’s partnership with mere humans who,
surprise or not, trip themselves up, stubbing their toes
like toddlers learning to walk.

Words in Single File

 
Words in Single File

(“They will be my people, and I will be their God.” Jeremiah 32:38)

Hungry and breathing on our own,
we played darts in the low-light bar.
We never saw the bullseye, never scored
a winning high. All our research had come to this:
The water was green as jade and the air puffing
like tobacco ash.

Walking and waiting in the sun,
we looked for frisbees on the browning meadow.
We never threw it into the brambles, though
we picked some black berries to share.
Nearly winter now and our thinking came this:
dogs are the perfect companions for Autumn
afternoons
when we saw winter looming high above the hills.

We adopted new languages we all could learn,
angelic saying and quotations of the sages.
We came out of the corners when we heard
the sun raise its head; just a single ray
piercing through the clouds.

Forgive my for being here before,
I don’t think I had learned the lesson.
But no one offered me a beer when my
thirst is all I could feel. Some stayed around
for a few more orbits, some jumped off at
the first stop of the sky wagons we flew.

We can be family; we can be sheltered.
We can withdraw the blame that rose from
the words of those helter-skelter ones who wore
gloves to sanitize the entire procedure.

All he wanted, (I should write in the first person)
All I wanted was words in single file,
inviting me to the party again. But, with their
enhanced theology I never stood a chance.
I am guilty, I’ve known that longer than the
accusers’ memory. But that does not exempt
(you or me) from covenants of siblings, of
celebrations of family.

On the Telephone Wires

 On the Telephone Wires

(“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” Jeremiah 29:11)

 

Stuck inside that space between longing and hope
I felt the deepness of Autumn walking December
through the cedars and pines. And my heart,
silent like a dog sleeping during the day,
hoped for so much more that could be imagined.

We made the arrangements the best way that we could;
we never imagined that no one would show up,
that everyone acted as if they had never heard.
We were surprised when there were 100 birds
lined up on the telephone wires.

We spent most of the day watching our imaginations
wander away. We listened for the words that
silence could not douse. We listened for the songs
that sounded like home, that translated every word
into a language we always understood.

It doesn’t take much to move me off-center so far
from home; a password forgotten, a car driven to slow,
a name you remember but who has neglected you.
I am too old for tears, and someone would surely say,
“get over it”. But I cannot remember what it might be
with my memories becoming o so muddy.

So I turn toward the sun and remember it is
hiding behind the shrouds in the sky, the
gray fog that makes its home halfway
up the hills.
I know we return one day and until then
I’ll read and hope, write and condense my
longings onto paper. I’ll commit them all
to song carried along by tomorrow’s freshening
plainsong breeze.

The Space Between Us

 

The Space Between Us

(“Offer the parts of your body to God to be used in doing good.” Romans 6:13b)

I would have shown up, I think you know that.
I would have given you everything you needed,
everything I have that could heal your broken heart.
I would never hold back,
never blame you for the uncured wounds you carry
like hastily written plans for a defensee strateghy to
keep you from being hurt again.

You knew I would show up. And that is why
I wonder where your words for me have gone.
I would walk as long as it takes to be by your side,
to write the letter that sets it all straight, to
line up the sights so you can see the distant
daylight again. I would point you toward the full moon
filling the wintery darkness with new light.

I know it must still hurt for you because it
still hurts for me. Oh for that one last conversation
where we hug like it means something and we walk away
with tears or smiles. Oh for the open words that
salve the wounds that cripple us like walkers on the road.

Here is my hand, offer my yours. Here is my heart,
still pained over things I can never change. Share with me
your own heart
and pernaps that days will shine brighter

We are both beautiful, you and I, and have been
since before we met and we doubted our worth.
I, me, thou and thee. We are pronouns to everyone else,
but given names to each other. I call your name and you
speak mine and we get closer to resolving the unhappy
nature that led us to doubt the intimate cradling
that surrounds the universe, that invites us all to
discovers the space between us immeasurable.

Announcing the Dawn

Announcing the Dawn

(“This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:5)

Shades of pale blue christened the opening sky;
there were songbirds waiting for the dawn to begin.
The were ready on their branches, attentive at the stations
to usher in the first rays of sun.

While we wait to awake from a dreamless night there
are hearts beating the overnight timing. Can you repeat
the stories we have memorized as children.
Would you repeat them like nursery rhymes?

Are we listening for the Spirit to usher us to the
middle aisle. Are we ready to finally admit how
empty we have begun. Are we waiting for the
fullness that will make us complete? All I know
is feeling full at the table is better than the pronouncements
of patent lawyers telling how it is supposed to be.

I’ve got the evidence in my hand;
I’ve got the witness within my breathing.
I am away now and the Spirit, already dwelling
within like a dove in a box; I understand now
the nearness that is closer than the implications
of dust.

Someone sent me a postcard engraved with gold
and love and it arrived just in time to show me
how fulness feels, how the dove coos,
how hope, fragile and strong, would never
be without breath, without life,
without the opening song of the robin
announcing the dawn.

How Narrow the Places

How Narrow the Places

(“Or does God belong only to Jews? Doesn’t he belong to the nations as well? Yes, of course, to the nations as well.” Romans 3:21)

How can we narrow the places God inhabits;
how can we design a temple so exclusive that there are
more waiting to get in than mumble prayers within.
How many children belong to you, only the first two
and not the last?

Heaven delights in every song of the nations,
from leaps and tambourines to dulcimer sounds in
the mountains. Where do you think God
exists if not in your neighbor, if not in the
sounds of relief once the plague has run its course.
Would you withhold bread because they come
to you with a different language, vowels and verbs you
misunderstand. No one should need to beg to
be loved in this glorious family. No one should be
left out in the cold.

Take me up so I can see the wide expanse of your
invitation. Elevate my eyes to perceive the eyes
of your children brighter than the ocean reflecting the sun.

Listen, my darlings, and you will hear the music that
resonates among the stars and spheres; enjoy the
sound of
divine creation that began far before our false
divisions claimed that others had
deceived us with their worship, and we were
truly the only, decidedly the foremost of
those formed by heaven.

But like two dancers in the night, while the moon
smiles above an endless sky;
perhaps we will perceive the inclusivity of the
Kingdom we thought we were fighting for.

The Old Paths

 The Old Paths

(“Yet my people have forgotten me and offered sacrifices to worthless idols. This makes them stumble along in the way they live and leave the old reliable path of their fathers. They have left them to walk in bypaths, in roads that are not smooth and level.” Jeremiah 18:15)

What made us choose a road so unknown?
What made us turn away from the beloved highway?
Did we think we would find
something to soothe our minds
and unfold our wandering hearts?

Our parents were our navigators, for
better or worse,
but we chose our own way with views of the
valley and the desert beyond.

We gave up our perch on the mountain,
we abandoned the well-worn paths.
We found the old ways tired with tradition;
we needed a change, to our ambition.

But we hear a word coming from all the
points of the compass,
we see full spectrum what we thought we
had seen before.
It dawned on us as another sun set,
that the light and dark, the moon and sun,
the stars and galaxies, the sand and the dirt
were here long before we thought we were experts
of navigation.

We had shredded our maps and set out on our own,
only to be lost once the first tree of forest was
behind us.

But we heard a word saying, “Here is the way,
walk in it.” We were alerted this time, rested from
our funk and frivolity. We chose the way we
barley saw and followed the voice that
transcended it all.