Never Sleeps

While a pastor on the Fort Berthold Reservation I was honored with the Indian name, "NeverSleeps". It was primarily because I was often responding to particular needs in the middle of the night.

Even more relevant, the Lord Himself, Maker of all, "Never Sleeps".

Surely you know.
Surely you have heard.
The Lord is the God who lives forever,
who created all the world.
He does not become tired or need to rest.
No one can understand how great his wisdom is.

Isaiah 40:28

Welcome to every reader. I am a simple follower of Jesus. He is perfect, I often fall short.

Sunday, December 1, 2024

An Open Window

An Open Window

(“But you, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.” Romans 14:10)

My soul was an open window but you
persisted in pounding on the door.
You talked like you knew everything I’ve owned,
you thought I was hiding from you.
Once you saw the wounds but named them
inadequacies. There were shortages to be
sure, but not because I ignored them.
My soul was drafty until I found
the touch
of healing in the person who looked deeply
and refused to walk away.

The scars are still warm from the fever they felt,
and grew hotter the more exposed to the fiery gaze
that read them like tea leaves cursing my weak efforts
to escape,
the constant stare that sought to make me more aware
of the sighs heaped upon the weakest places in me.

I’ll keep a warm corner ready for you,
I’ll light a fire and put on the coffee.
I’ll set a place for you even though you gave
so little space for me.
And if you feel exposed, I will only pass you
the cream and sugar, put another log on the fire,
and ask if you would like to stay just a little longer
into the early evening of the day.

Friday, November 29, 2024

He Called it Presence

He Called it Presence

(“When they suffered, he suffered with them.” Isaiah 63:9a)

He danced the dirge like a ghost,
and felt like a silent shade. There was
nothing substantial he could remember.
There was nothing future he could predict.
He pulled the sod up over his shoulders like
a blanket to keep out the cold.
There was no one there for him,
at least that is what he was told.

It was like the beginning of creation,
It was less than the sun could shine.
It was like the last day of celebration.
It was more than the moon had to show.

He never thought anyone knew,
He never saw the eyes that saw him.
But there was another dancing, another echoing
his sad spinning. He did not think he was suffering.
The truth is, he did not think much at all.
But he could not help but see there was another
day someone might call apostasy.
He just called it presence and kept up his
sojourning ways while his heart gave way
to the questions he had been asking for
a lifetime.

Would the one who began it all
finally move his direction? Would the last
of days, ancient in its ways,
feel the tears as hot as his own?
He hoped it was so. Neither questions nor
answers
soothed him in these rotating seasons.
He just hoped the unknown visitor would
stop by before the end of the day.

Friday, November 22, 2024

Multiplied Fortune

Multiplied Fortune

(“When the workers arrived, the ones who had been hired at five in the afternoon were given a full day's pay.” Matthew 20:9)

The day was elastic, it was short and round;
I turned in my hours and found I worked for
more and put in so little time I could not be considered
an employee at all.
Was I worth a dollar, maybe two? But how could they
pay me for an entire shift when I barely was there at all?
I barely showed up,
I gave it my all,
I surely did not deserve
the wages I did not earn,
paid the same as workers there from
morning till last call. Should I contact the manager;
was there a mistake?
Should I bank it or invite someone to dine with me
to celebrate my good fortune?

I stared at the check and subtracted the zeros,
I wondered if I would be paid the same tomorrow,
if I would work a longer shift and be rewarded more;
would this benevolence continue, or would I have
to trade my pay in for
a favor I had not anticipated? I rubbed my fingers over
the ink and the numbers; they did not run.
I wondered was it a mistake, had I heard the offer all wrong?

For now, all that mattered was meeting a few friends
to celebrate with drinks and buy the first round. I could
barely hold it in,
I could scarcely begin to describe my good luck,
the grace I discovered when I was the last one in
and the first one paid. I’d show up tomorrow and
work for wages I did not deserve and wonder where
the manager got the idea
to multiply fortune to someone he found lounging
hoping for a minimum-wage job.

Tuesday, November 19, 2024

There Were Children Dancing

There Were Children Dancing

(“So God will choose the one to whom he decides to show mercy; his choice does not depend on what people want or try to do.” Romans 9:16)

I listened to the laughter coming from the next room;
there were children dancing to a whirling tune
I did not know and could not repeat. They circled
each other and leaped up and down. It was on a
stormy day with winds roaring from the east; foothills
to the coast, and the rain splattered the windows like
tiny balloons thrown by fairies.
It was rarely this easy. But today their feet moved
together, their giggles were not disruptive, and their
words were improvised along with their song.

There was something vital in that moment, there was

untitled poetry at play. It came from within them,
it came from without. It came from planets above,
it came from the earth below. It crept in through the doorway,
it circled room after room until, soon enough,
the laughter gave way to lavender exhaustion.

Not a breath was wasted, every movement was intentional,
every word was invented, not a syllable fell pasted to the floor.
They floated like dandelions, they tossed themselves like
pillows in the air. They sounded like cherubs, they looked like
an hour in a day without care. They slipped in their favorite
colors and poked around the edges of prayer.

No one planned it, no one invited the parties;
it was all the children knew to do with their spare time,
it was everything they had waited for since morning had dawned.
And all the adults learned laughter halfway through the dance.
Next time maybe they would lead it, maybe they would leave it
all to chance.

Sunday, November 17, 2024

Questions Don’t Always Have Answers

Questions Don’t Always Have Answers

(“Then he said, ‘I tell you the truth. You must change and become like little children. If you don’t do this, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’” Matthew 18:3)

I’ve seen you playing basketball in the street,
practicing your layups, your three-point plays,
your bounce passes and the hopes you will get to start
the very next game. But, though a teenager now, the child
hasn’t completely left, has it? I know you will even jump
on your trampoline with your 3-year-old sister. Maybe you
just put up with her, but that is what older brothers do.

I’m sure you’ve seen a slew of problems you would like to know
the answers to.
And even though you live right next to me, don’t hold out any hope
for certainty from me.

I know a girl whose mom died when she was 40. She nearly beat that
wicked cancer,
she did. But then her body was done. Her organs began shutting down,
her breathing became labored, and she was compassionately kept as
comfortable as possible.

We laid hands on her, didn’t we? All the relatives; her mom, her grandad,
her sisters, her daughter and their sometime pastor. We were convinced
God could do anything. We were persuaded God would not leave this
5-year-old child alone.

We used to ask for prayer requests at Sunday Services
and Nancy, that was the child’s name,
always asked for prayer for her momma. She asked for prayer when she
was in treatment,
she asked for prayer once she was buried. Nancy only knew God had
to do something good. And the something good would be having
mommy back in the house, laughing with her daughter, making
pumpkin pie together and walking in the fields to collect kindling
for the woodstove through November to February.
God can do anything, the Pastor even said so. But it seems so
unfair
that the God who can do anything refuses to do
everything. Children feel this more deeply than us all. God,
what in the hell did we do to you for you to take away a mom from her
vulnerable child?

My neighbor keeps practicing his shots from the field. I believe
he is getting better, and I’ve never asked him about God.

I only know that I’d rather live with the questions children ask than
the vanilla retorts adults learn from books that give 1000 answers to
questions that are never meant to have answers.

I see Nancy from time to time. She was the last person I every baptized.
Even then, as she went under the water (she did love Jesus), her question floated
just above her head: “Why, why, why, is my mother dead?”

Friday, November 15, 2024

Does it Show?

Does it Show?

(“Don’t worry—I am with you. Don’t be afraid—I am your God. I will make you strong and help you. I will support you with my right hand that brings victory.” Isaiah 41:10)


Does it show? Can you see the change on my face,
the brokenness of my gait? Do my steps seem slower today,
and can I point out all I’ve endured.
And have I paid for everything; am I completely cured?
Fear is the silence of a lion sneaking up without a roar.
Anxiety is the silence of songs that refuse to be sung.
I’ve sat through days I don’t want to describe,
I don’t want to hide. I stepped out yesterday and tried
out a little conversation. I never carried my half well,
letting the parentheses spill between questions and answers.
Do you believe? Can you see the rearrangements around my eyes;
can you hear the key change I no longer can sing?

I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I’m tired, no naps in my easy chair.
I read the side effects and lived out a few. I listened to the list
and hoped to sleep away the fatigue.

I’m pretty sure I am in no immediate danger, but my mind and
body
buzzes like a convict on his last walk around the grounds.
I’m pretty sure I am ok. I’m pretty sure the kingdoms are
not conspiring against me. I’m pretty sure I’ll lay me down
to sleep at the proper time.

I’m not sure how to celebrate; I’m unclear on the victory.
I’ve left some writing on the wall, but I may repaint soon.
I’ve read some ancient texts that decoded my younger aspirations.
I could tell you more, if only I had something weighty to say.
But I just play the radio and wish I would
play my guitar instead. I dedicated the room to music,
but there is nothing in my head. No notes, no lyrics,
no meaningful letter to trace between the lines of
manuscript pages.

Does it show? I’m slowly unwinding and willing to
play my songs if only I can find them. Can you loan me
an hour or two? I’ll play one song, but I don’t like how
I sing these days.
Does it show? Can you see what so much solo has done?

Thursday, November 14, 2024

When the Silence Invades

When the Silence Invades

(“’Comfort, comfort my people,’ says your God.” Isaiah 40:1)

When the silence invades your disquieted heart
find a place where words are weightier than
the solid rain that preoccupies your spaces of pain.
There is Spirit that speaks to the troubled fields where
chariots once charged. There is clear sky where the
clouds of thunder once erupted. There are donors of
friendship to open the ears deafened by muzzled
quiet withholding conversation.

You could read aloud, turn the volume higher.
You could strum the strings of so many spare
instruments lining your room. But something,
(a broken brick wall?) something keeps you from
standing to tune them, sitting to practice,
swaying as you play them. And the silence only
infiltrates your uneasy understanding.

There are songs I used to sing for days on end.
I would sing them to you if my voice hadn’t aged.
Some sound like cabernet,
some sound like whiskey,
some sound like babble,
some like unending rhymes.

There are phone numbers that I remember from
high school. No one lives there anymore, no one answers.
Nothing lasts forever, nothing sleeps all day.
Nothing hides unbidden, nothing knows the time.
Everything is within arm’s reach,
everything is sadder when the quiet is unrelentless.

The good news is, the Spirit whispers,
and keeps me company through the afternoon.
I’ll share the words, I’ll pour out my heart,
I’ll take some of the silence that has muted your day,
and turn it into words on a page, and turn it into
rosemary and sage.

Tuesday, November 12, 2024

An Outcast Heart

An Outcast Heart

(“But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and it is those things that make a person unclean.” Matthew 15:18)

Did I hear that you wanted to change the world?
Did I hear that you stew over the ingredients of opposition?
Did I see you making a lie, turning it over, polishing it and
moreover, branding the facts and turning them into
seminal enemies of the state?
Did I see your raucous rage replace the dialogue
of critical thinking? Did I see the way you
nailed your enemies down?

I don’t have the energy to keep up anymore. I don’t have
the reserves to reverse the steady stream of nonsense
accepted as gospel by some of the angriest people I know.
I know because I came from that principality. I know
because once I found my own road (the road I had missed
for decades); once I found my new road they reached for the ropes
and tried to tie me to the courthouse tree.

I don’t have the energy, but my words well up inside me.
I need to sleep, but my thoughts keep possessing me.
I sit outside and wait for one or two who hear the truth
to renew my untitled dream. I’m looking behind me,
looking in front of me,
listening for a sound from the street that will restore
the longing of an outcast heart.

I’m looking through you from down and up,
I know the potions you drink from your deceitful cup.
There is still room for you, still there is time,
to cast aside the poison words, to admit your false rhymes,
and bring it all out into the sun, bring it out for everyone
to see,
the transformation that only quietness can bring.

Friday, November 8, 2024

Sorry I Missed

Sorry I Missed

I missed our appointment;
I am sorry, sanity got in the way.
I know someone told you that
anxiety was a sin. I know
they told you that
God is in control.
Did they have an answer why
one bullet missed its mark
and another creased the brain of a
loving father that day?

I missed having drinks with you;
I am sorry, dis-ease got in the way.
I know someone told you that
you would never understand them. I know
they told you that
this was all mandated by God.
Did they have an answer why they
never thought that way when the
candidate they adored lost? Did they
bow to God’s decree when the opposition
took the reins of power? Or does God only
work for one side of the aisle, and not for the other.
Did they mention the person who lost is
a man devoted to faith, a woman devoted to home,
a whole convention full of hope?

I missed dinner with you:
I am sorry, the locked doors got in the way.
I know someone told you that
I was a heretic now. I know someone
mentioned my stumbles that can still be seen
in my bruises and my tears.
Did they have an answer to their own sins,
or of the transgressions of the winner?
Did they appropriate love only for their own kind?

My friend, hold tight your kaleidoscope children;
look deep in the eyes of your spouse nearly deported;
beseech the little god who acts like a bully to
shovel his shit in someone else’s yard.
And ask the Only God to send the love to those
who say his name over and over again but have hardly
ever
offered his love to the others who are no different than
us all; ask the Only God to shower the people with love.

Wednesday, November 6, 2024

The Morning Broke Loudly

The Morning Broke Loudly

(“They are now justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:24)

I know the morning broke loudly across your consciousness,
I know the outcome pushed upon your chest like a trunk of pennies.
You expected better,
you hoped for something different than the same lines to the
same songs
over and over again.
I know you wanted to wake up this morning like summer.
I know you wanted to have a drink with your friends and celebrate.
You dreamed of so much better,
you yearned for the very thing that would give new words to the
same old songs
you enjoyed when you were young.

But the sun broke through the gray today,
the dogs chased each other and played in the field.
The promise felt like a fainting scarecrow,
I know,
I felt the fatigue too, sucking the last drop
of enthusiasm from the day.
But the sun still shone like summer,
the trees were letting go all around me
creating a carpet of seeds and leaves, heart-shaped leaves,
and the breaths we take are as full as they were
yesterday at this time.

I know the breezes are cooler this time of year,
I know the rain sometimes announces itself before the deluge.
You expected rainbows,
you hoped for the injustice in the world would never
consume the light you felt in your soul. So,
rainbow or no,
you knew the day would be hard. You knew the canyon
was narrow and shafts of light briefly played upon your brow.

I know you wanted to see this day brighter,
I know you wanted to dance like a playful fawn.
Instead you walked over the dew-drenched yard,
took the letters out of the mailbox
and went back indoors, sat on the couch and wondered
what would come of all of this.

Saturday, November 2, 2024

Everybody Has a Mountain

Everybody Has a Mountain

(“Because their minds are dull, and they have stopped up their ears and have closed their eyes. Otherwise, their eyes would see, their ears would hear, their minds would understand, and they would turn to me, says God, and I would heal them.” Matthew 13:15)

What do you see, what do you notice?
Are they too q for you? Or too diminished, or too damaged,
or too sinful, or eat too loudly, or have parties with transgressors,
sharing food like family? What are you seeing? What makes you
keep your distance? Or make your insistence clear that repentance
is the only cure for the pain they carry from daylight to sundown?

Are you able, at a moment’s notice, to rid yourself of easy aphorisms
that say little and mean even less. Do you discount the doctors who only
“practice”, why only God “heals”. Or can you see the doctors as the
hands of God, a miracle in the flesh, a co-conspirator in the dawn of
divine healing? Don’t diss the doctors. I’ve met more angels in white coats
than I have in blue suits occupying a box made for worship.

Everybody has a mountain they wish would move,
Everybody has waters they must traverse,
Everybody has danger that stalks them from long ago,
Everybody has a wasteland where food and water and health and matter
disappeared like an oasis approached at dusk.

Did you see the transman wanting to worship? Did you, with all the
confidence religion gives you, declare “God does not make mistakes.”
Did you forget about congenital heart disease, spina bifida, or cleft palates?
Our world is full of mistakes, imperfection is the beauty of our mosaic.
Why tell a rugged tourmaline that it should be a nicely polished emerald?
You are right. God makes no mistakes. And the sister who know she’s a
brother, is not a mistake and never has been. The baby who needed a
heart transplant within 3 weeks of birth was not a mistake. She’s going
to college now. She’s a miracle of God’s partnership with medicine.

What do you see? What are you forcing them to keep inside because
they know you’ll lecture them without knowledge?

Let us learn to hear again; let’s unstop our ears, let’s open our eyes.
We are the ones who need healing. We, the ones who have boxed in
so many hurting souls, driving them further from the divine acceptance
they deserve.

Let’s turn. Let’s face Jesus. Let’s look at him touching lepers, healing the
blind who everyone else thought was a sinner. Let’s watch him bring life
where everyone else was talking about death. Let’s pull it together,
sew it masterfully, a net that hauls all species of fish. Let’s build a
mosaic of healing to decorate the beauties of the Lord.

Wednesday, October 30, 2024

Between Silence and Shine

Between Silence and Shine

(“The wolf shall live with the lamb; the leopard shall lie down with the kid; the calf and the lion will feed together, and a little child shall lead them.” Isaiah 11:6)

I answered the phone like I always do,
a little catch in my throat, a tiny cough of hello.
I know your voice even before I look at the number
(although I do appreciate caller id.)
There are tones, colors, shades that wrap your voice
like a quilt on a rainy day. When you ask if we can talk
I cannot wait for the next moment we do.
I answered the phone like I always do and
knowing it was you
that led me outside to see the doves and robins
sharing the same tree, gathering everything they needed
for the chicks to eat back at the nest.
Your voice sends my heart to more peaceful days,
hours I have imagined but seldom seem to appear.

My mood has been flat for several weeks. No deep lows,
no bubbling highs, just a midpoint between silence and
shine. It has limited my palette and the wavelengths of my spectrum
stay dead center between green and indigo.
I used to walk through ultra-violet and speak in infrared.
Now a sliver of visible light shuts me down. It’s not wrong,
I haven’t changed a thing, but I’d love to walk with you somewhere
away from the constraints that have walled my heart in too easily.

I am not the only one who longs for a place so safe that we can
feed lions from the palm of our hand. I am not the only one that
dreams of kisses instead of running from wildlife who cannot even
speak my name.

I answered the phone again; it was you. 2000 miles away and still
you have words and pauses that without understanding the causes,
leave me hopeful for a more peaceable day, a more repeatable way
to walk through the world where arrogance and freeze-dried opinions
answer the phone before a word is said.

But come, let us wander together. Let us leave the violence of
speech and trouble and find a spacious bubble filled with
children who have not learned how to be so vain. I’m curious,
can you see that day, if only in the distance? And does your heart
ache as much as mine for a day of peace, a week of solace,
a month of joy, and a year of new songs we once were afraid to sing?

And, today, would you discover it all with me?

Monday, October 28, 2024

His Walk Was Interrupted

His Walk Was Interrupted

(“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28)

 

His walk we interrupted, his thoughts diverted from
the increasing potency of pointed reflexes. He saw
his image in each drop of rain. He heard his name in
the wind that exposed the trees and stripped the leaves to
create autumn’s carpet.

He rarely wandered, but liked to explore.
He rarely spoke, but liked to ask questions.
He liked the wildlife that posed just beyond his
itinerant feet.
He liked the voice, sounding like a child, that
whispered truth so rare he had forgotten
that once upon a time he memorized the faces of
children. And now they had children and
grandchildren
of their own.

He used to walk to work. He used to stop and
visit with the widow who tended her roses and
fountain in her front yard across the street from
the courthouse. He didn’t know all their names,
but petted the dogs who lived on the edges of
downtown.

It did not take much these days to throw
him off balance,
his equilibrium was affected as much by
gravity as it was by sound. He spun
inside, he twisted everything around his heart
in vain attempts to forget the faces that
ghostly adults displayed. He knew there
was a place created,
an Eden orchestrated,
that invited his rest.

And sometimes he did. Rest.
And sometimes he didn’t. Rest.
And rest became his comfort. Quilt.
And rest became his prayer. Quilt.

And he was blanketed by the name that
gives all the world the definitions that,
if we are willing to hear,
describe a love that transcends the
misuse of letters sent ages ago. He
needed to hear from former days;
he needed to listen more slowly and
pick up his pace. He loved the moments
when he forgot the epithets appended
to his name.

Wednesday, October 23, 2024

Barefoot in Autumn


 Barefoot in Autumn

(“The prince of Yahweh’s army said to Joshua, ‘Take off your sandals, for the place on which you stand is holy.’ Joshua did so.” Joshua 5:15)

Walking barefoot on the early autumn dew
and the ground gave slightly between his toes.
There was a place within that was as bare as the
fading grasses as the days shrunk a little each hour.
There was power, there were flexible moments,
there was thunder, there was cotton candy snow.
The sun was bright and never obscured, the stars
burned right where they had been appointed eons ago.
He wasn’t sure if angels attended his devotion,
or if God walked the same short path that day.
He just knew nothing should come between his unshod feet
and a few square yards of pure creation. Although he did cry
to think
of all the consumables that, tossed out of every home, now
in microscopic detail permeated each place he stepped.
He heard no voices, but did think a song would be appropriate.
He waited for the birds to begin, the robins and doves that
shared a tree just over his head. They were busy collecting berries
for their brood and paid him little attention. Some of the birds
hung upside down on the branches just to reach the diminutive berries.

He had fasted before, hoping the holy would fill the
empty places. He was not wrong. But the visions were drab,
dull green and gray. He prayed until his eyes stung; He knelt
and asked the same thing each time. His failures always were
the first order of business. The dissonance between what he believed
and what he could never control; he could write a book, but then
everyone would know he wasn’t who he hoped to be.

But that day, standing in the chilly autumn with his feet
naked and flush against the ground, he thought he heard
the silence speak. What was the language? What dialect?
Could the thoughts that came to his mind also be the thoughts
of god? Could his heart beat truer while the cold earth
seeped between his toes? He would go back inside,
pour a cup of tea, and finish reading about the climate crisis.
He would do all he could do and bottled the moment as an
elixir to fix his backlog of failures and his fresh open-mouthed
questions about sanity and sanctity.

The air was warm just inside his front door.

Monday, October 21, 2024

They Begged the Sky

They Begged the Sky

(“Go and learn what this saying means: ‘I want mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 9:13)

Hidden beneath the aftermath of tsunami spirituality
are humans caught underneath the rubble.
Some think they deserved it,
some only came to observe it,
But most made up epithets to throw
if they ever surfaced above the fray.
Every day I meet another victim with
bruises on their arms and contusions on their hearts.
All they needed was someone to talk tenderly
while the fire lashed like a hungry tiger.
All they wanted was someone like them,
or even someone pretending to like them,
or, so it seems, someone less dreamlike.

They saw the fires, they felt the missiles,
they were stung by needles, they were facing
the needless pain they never paid for.

They begged the sky, they dug into the earth,
they doubted their worth, they were left in the rain
to dry.

After a while they gave up talking at all.
They were hermits of necessity,
they were monks hiding in caves.
They used to speak like lullabies;
they used to sing like the summer.
But now they are out of practice,
they recite monologues to themselves.

Everyone thought they were fine,
no one ever thought it was a crime to
leave them solo for so long. But they
stood with their backs to the wall looking
for someone that sounded like home.

And they begged for mercy to rain
on their parched tongues, they hoped for
grace reminding them of sunrise. They
watched for someone to bring them news
of the day.

Friday, October 18, 2024

To Bake the Bread

To Bake the Bread

(“Seize life! Eat bread with gusto, drink wine with a robust heart. Oh yes—God takes pleasure in

your pleasure!” Ecclesiastes 9:7 [The Message])

I saw you come in from the fields,
covered with wheat dust and dirt.
I saw your face burnt from the relentless sun,
and saw your hands roughened by the twine on the
rows of bales thrown on the back of the truck.
I saw you come in.

The crop was late this year, a cold spell mid spring
slowed everything down. And now some may not take
the sunflowers off until February after they are frozen and
dry.

But today, late in the evening, we would break bread; we would
throw our stories around like fast pitches at a pick-up baseball game.
We would kid the children who sat in the cab with us. We would thank
the women and teens who brought our lunch to us. We would drink
deeply of water to clear the dust from our parching throats. And
(out of courtesy) we laid our over-hauls in the mud room. We would be
back at it in the morning.

So, with dirt scrubbed hands we passed around the meal. The bread
was there in abundance; hot rolls, banana bread, whole loaves that smelled
like they were still baking. We ate deep (the children ate quick), we ate but
stopped between one chew and the next to playfully thank our host and ask,
“Do you bake all day, so you don’t have to come to the fields?” It’s harmless.
Because mostly they do frequent the fields, pulling double duty: guide the
combines and back to bake the bread.

And tonight, though not the finest wine, the color came back to our cheeks
with each glass. Grandma sipped slowly but was the first one up from the table.
She had a plan, she had a spark, she had an itch to make our simple meal a party.
The crops were nearly in…except for the late sunflowers…and it was time
to celebrate.

She put on a record full of standards from the 40s. The kids and teens groaned,
and honestly, so did some of the adults. But granny knew what we did not,
there is no better dance music than big band music. “In the Mood”, “It Don’t
Mean a Thing (If it Ain’t God that Swing)” The toddlers took to twirling first.

They kept their socks on as they slid across the smooth hardwood floor
surrounded by couches, recliners, and side tables. They spun like dervishes,
and giggled like dolphins showing off.

First dad, then uncle, then cousins and teenage relatives, took one of the
skating toddlers and spun them round to the music. The giggles hit the rafters
and ricocheted back into the room.

Granny and Grandpa were the next up. He took her in his arms like a schoolboy
at prom. Their eyes gleamed. They had waited out the day to eat of the bounty,
and now wanted to celebrate free of restraint.

Everybody in between, after they stopped their complaints, found a way to keep time
to these tunes from another century. And then, just as every was losing their breath,
Grandpa pulled out his fiddle, and Mama pulled out her guitar, and they played
bluegrass, and reels, and jigs. The same songs they always played. Their
repertoire was short, but their execution was precise.

Good food, abundant wine, dancing like there would be tomorrow to do it all over again,
all seemed the most appropriate way to say

Thank You

For a harvest, a hard harvest, that was now nearly in. If they could, they would
have wiped the plates clean, depleted the wine, and danced all night laughing with
the children, some of whom had already fallen asleep on the floor and couches.

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

The Retaining Wall

The Retaining Wall

(“Everyone who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on bedrock.” Matthew 7:24)

Sluggish as an Autumn morning, I climb to
the nearest hill to maintain some masquerade of
control. When life pulls away ahead of me,
when I roll the dice on the universe,
I lose control and cannot predict
how they will fall. I cannot pretend
that suffering is the ache of needing a period
at the end of every day.

I saw someone driving a truck the same model
of my best friend who died over a year ago.
The man inside looked like him and I pleaded
that maybe time had run under the bridge and
looped back in fantasy. I have no control over
who leaves and who stays. I cannot pretend
that my words will make you stay until
the end of the day.

I am not God anyway.

I saw your house where I visited you often.
The new owner is building a retaining wall;
granite block abutting the back of the property.
He has three dogs. One black and one brown with
heads nearly the size of horses. One is white and
rules the yard; a 15-pound Maltese.

It is Autumn in the afternoon and the breeze from
the north
chilled my hands while the sun behind me
warmed my shirt like it was freshly ironed.

If I lose control, perhaps I’ll suffer less.
If I move along the trails made by deer in the woods
perhaps
life will be more effortless.

God does not hide far away.

Sunday, October 13, 2024

Love Songs for Everyone

Love Songs for Everyone

(“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33)

Demonizing immigrants is not doing anything
for the kingdom of God.
Vilifying gays does not accomplish God’s dream
for the world.
Letting the poor in,
but insisting they sit where they cannot be seen,
is from a kingdom of this world, a kingdom headed by
a Satan who only wants to discredit God’s grace.
Letting the mentally challenged have a place,
but insisting they better never become ushers,
misses everything that God has ever dreamed.

Seek the dream, the one where every tribe, nation,
language, and ethnic group, every sexuality, every
bisected economy of the poor, rich or medial are one;
seek the kingdom, where God is happy that
uncommon odors cannot deny a teenager a place
in the celebration of grace. Open wide the gates,
and do not lock them again. Throw open the windows
and let the unbridled joy seep into the neighborhood.
Let it waft into kitchen windows of those who
wondered why they were never invited. Let it whisk
around the room like Thanksgiving pie baked hours
before its partaking. Let the words learn holy silence.
Let the words learn that tongues do not need to wag.
Let the words learn the happy sound when someone finds
their way to our group who knows nothing of our niceties.

Open your arms wide, learn their faces, repeat their names,
invite them for lunch, sit with their children, play their games,
roll the tonka trucks for the littles to roll back. Tell the adults
there is no qualification for our little group. Some of us
are not sure what we think about God these days. Some of us
are undeterred and couldn’t be moved from faith by the worst
calamity possible. Some are CEOs, some are dishwashers,
some are behind on their rent, some own their homes outright.
But together we are a dream come true, a dream formulated
in eternity past, in the heart of God. A dream that sees the kingdom
full of every possible extraction and opinion.

I’ve been poor, I’ve been broke, I’ve been okay, I’ve been saved.
I’ve been well-off, not really rich. I’ve been waiting to be a part
of something like this.
There are no greater riches than the grace we find hidden
in the lives we once had bidden adieu to. Isn’t it time to
hear their stories, affirm their humanity, celebrate the divine
that dwells in them as certainly as we think it does in us?
Isn’t it time that our worship is simply full of
love songs for everyone.

Friday, October 11, 2024

To Memorize Their Names

To Memorize Their Names

(“Whoever gives to the poor will never lack, but whoever shuts his eyes to their poverty will be cursed.” Proverbs 28:27)

After the doors closed, we
counted the coins
and divided them among
everyone assembled in the
backlit room. The odds were
less than even
that everyone received their full share.
We were nice to each other, but it was more
necessary that we remind ourselves there are
not races, no curses that keep us from poverty
when we need the food that will save our souls.

Even the Almighty cries for
the paucity that deprives a neighbor just
a door away from our prosperity.
I am another privileged one who figures
I’ve done good enough to deserve the amount
that has mounted up in my bank account.

After we drop off the canned goods, we expect
to be patted on the head like a good dog rescuing the
baby from the well. We didn’t even stay for dinner.
We didn’t even stay long enough to memorize their names.

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

After the Words


After the Words

(“In the same way let your light shine in front of people. Then they will see the good that you do and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16)

After the words are finished,
before the meal has begun,
during the early hallway of evening,
we might have time to compose another
sonnet, or, better yet,
sing something we all know by heart.

Before the night drops the dew,
after the moon glows undone,
during the late slant of afternoon,
we might find the time to fill a plate or two
for the neighbors who ran out of money before
they ran out of food.

We don’t need a new agenda,
we don’t need to push hard.
We don’t need an invitation to
start a party among the unknowns.

Before the sun drains the dark,
after the birds announce the morn,
during the corporeal rays starting to warm,
we might find the ones we left here
are poets and prophets who,
have callused hands for sermons and
chef’s hats for the daily benedictions.

We don’t need a host of angels,
we don’t need another spire.
We don’t need a well-written tome
push us closer.

We only need a word, we only need
the silent seeds sown with no one watching.
We only need reminders how free it seems
to feed our neighbors, our kin, our global

Language of love divine.


Sunday, October 6, 2024

How Multiplied

How Multiplied

(“For there will never cease to be poor people in the land; that is why I am commanding you, ‘Open your hand willingly to your poor and needy brother in your land.’” Deuteronomy 15:11)

There is not much but there is
more than I can carry. I could load it all on
my back, but how far could I go?
I could leave some behind, but who would
hijack my best intentions?
Come journey with me, we will share the load.
Come circle the sunset, come draw the morning rain.
Come as I follow the siren call, the angel’s refrain,
and we’ll split everything we find with anyone else
we meet on the trail. Why would we
keep more than they need? Why would we look the
other way?
I’ve pretended to be happy,
I’ve acted like I was not hungry.
But, truth be told, I still have unbidden tears and
my stomach craves an answer. Have you
felt the same way too? Am I the only one?
Do you wake up on days when everything is provided
and still feel like a pauper on the street?
Do you ever doubt the direction life has propelled
you, the trajectory of unnecessary missiles?
There is more poverty than simply lacking dollars,
there is more hunger than missing loaves of bread.
I’ll open my hand, I’ll help you up to the trail,
we can climb the waterfall we discovered as a couple of
adolescent boys when we were to afraid to ascend. We know
the rocks will be slippery,
but we need another adventure, a reason to sigh.
Or we’ll just walk in silence until it is time to eat again,
and we’ll claim our bread and wine, and we’ll
invite each passerby to share our meager provision
and we’ll see how multiplied we can be. We’ll
see how multiplied we all can be.

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

I’ll Listen Closer

I’ll Listen Closer

(“He makes sure that orphans and widows are treated fairly; he loves the foreigners who live with our people, and gives them food and clothes.” Deuteronomy 10:18)

There are signboards on the corner
that write off every unrecognizable name.
But every name has a mother, every appellation
a definition. Every pair of eyes sees the
spectrum,
every mouth speaks its native tongue.

I’ll speak slower if I’m hard to understand,
I’ll listen closer if your words are sifted through the colander.
I love the unknown rhythm your words make when
you punctuate your sentences with a countryman.
You smiled when you showed me the videos you
made with your newest drone.
Your wife interpreted for me that, yes, you could
fix the problem with my MG.
I tried to pay you, I did. You laughed and I
think you said
it was nothing. But it was more than that and
you deserved even more than I offered.

You tinkered like a magician,
you laughed like a penguin,
you talked like we were brothers,
you sang without knowing the words.
I believed you like a clergyman,
I smiled like an old friend,
I talked like we were comrades,
I sang without knowing the words.

Now I’m older, but not by much,
and you are just the same.
Our languages are mixed,
our friendship exists despite the
placards that try to send you home.

Monday, September 30, 2024

Pathways Converge


Pathways Converge

(“Don’t withhold good from someone who deserves it, when it is in your power to do so.” Proverbs 3:27)

Help me learn the language, help me
hear the sounds that mean another soul
could be seen if only I opened my eyes.
One song fades as another one begins,
pathways converge and we are brought together again.
I know you never liked what he did,
you know he wished he never had.
He knows every shattered choice he hoped
would fadeout like the ending of a radio song.
He felt like he was stuck in adolescence,
like he was still trying out for the football team.
He would paint his eyes a different color if
only that would change his view of things.

Help me discover the buried treasure, help me
correct the judgments that make me close my hands tight.
I have done worse, I think, than he thinks he has done.
I would buy him dinner, I would share a drink with him.
I would convince him nothing he did would prevent
me from being his friend.
I would not publish a single sentence he said.
I’d give him my heart as a receptacle for him
to place every shivering thought. I’d ask the
only questions that matter, questions of hope and
none of the statements that would shatter the
aging walls of his tears.

Help me learn his language, help me listen,
help me give what I’ve been given. Help me
receive his fearful confidence. Help me see it
through his eyes.