I Replaced Myself

I Replaced Myself

(“He knew what all people are like. He did not need anyone to tell him about any person, because he knew what was in a person's heart.” John 1:25”)

Tell me who I am, now, recite my name and my place;
The days are no longer kind, the nights bring no relief,
I stumble over my feet and my words,
I repeat the twice, and they still sound foreign; mere bookmarks
for things I once treasured in my mind.

The world is far too large now, I’ll never be now, the
places I’ve never been.
I replaced myself with another more times than
anyone should. And now, towards the end,
when I want to befriend myself, I am short
on the few who knew I was harmless.
I am less than I ever was, when I hoped to be
a mentor of a few.

I am old and still apologizing
for not fitting in. I’m a jigsaw piece without
a puzzle,
a horizon blocked by the downtown mall.

In this corner pain repeats its chorus and verse,
tied to a silent hill, tangled without a player
to hear the songs I wish I wrote; miles from lonely,
and desolate between here and there.

Tell me who I am, replace me where my joy resides,
take me to success again; when the spoke well of me again.
I am the loneliest man I know, and the only one in this
foamy corner. My heart is a frozen knot, my tears the
thaw of the thoughts I once considered true. My mind
is lost now; cast off now.

I’ve practiced forgetting, I’ve erased the names and places;
but they invade with a vengeance the peace I hoped to make.
I’ve displayed forgiveness, I’ve buried people and words;
but they are live each morning and I die by degree.

Change me, make me madly in love my final days.
Move me, place me closer to the souls I know like mine.
Take me, (and I mean home), I am tired and there are no more

Successes left for me.